More on the "David thing"
Dec. 1st, 2002 10:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beandelphikiOkay, just to clear up a little misconception here:
I'M NOT GAY! NOT GAY! NOT GAY! I DON'T WANT DAVID! The Nick thing is over, mmm-kay? It never happened. Return to your regular schedules.
Gah, one of the best things about transition is that I don't have to deal with guys hitting on me anymore. It gives me a COMPLETE panic attack. Panting, sweating, shaking, the whole bit. I don't like it, noooooo. *quaver*
And, um, this has been an overcompensation-type Public Service Announcement. Thank you.
Annnnnd breathe.
Okay.
Now, in the time that has elapsed since my last post, I've been (natch) freaking out a bit. (If you haven't seen it, now would be the time. Otherwise, spoilers ahead!)
I tend to talk to myself when I want to work things out. Yeah, I know that sounds nutty. But I pretend I'm talking to someone else, and I just let my oh-so-wise subconscious take over. I heart my subconscious mind.
In the last little while, I've been talking to myself so much I've nearly gone hoarse. But I'm pretty calm now, and I think I can see things I missed in earlier "now - we panic" moments.
Stef explained to me that David thinks he needs a man. Now, putting "man" aside (none of us are men!), I think that's very telling. I guess he's in the same frame of mind as a lot of people get into around late high school/early college.
Basically, I'd say he's just lonely, and if he really thinks I'm gay, he might as well go for it. Because what other chance will he get, nu? I'm a convenient pair of hips is what it comes down to. Not flattering...but understandable.
I know he's really lonely. He come from a prairie town. Considering this is Alberta, the Canadian Bible belt, I can just imagine what high school was like. He's implied many times that he was treated badly before he came to college, but he seems reluctant to just come out and talk about it.
I guess he probably feels less sure that he'll ever be with someone than most people. But how do you say that "nobody will ever love me" isn't true when you're not sure you believe it yourself? I've felt for a while we have a lot in common.
*sigh*
Mostly, I'm worried because he apparently also told Stef that if she's right that I'm "straight as a wall" (Stef's words, not mine) than he'll go for Jamie. Because Jamie was totally flirting with him last night.
IGNORING that fact that Jamie would make any NORMAL person want to lose his lunch, I think that supports what I think of David's motives. He's desperate. Period.
And that bothers me, because I KNOW I understand Jamie better than anyone else in the program. And I know Jamie's childish need for attention. I know that Jamie didn't have anyone talking to him last night. Except for me, briefly, but I wasn't too talkative. I know he feels slighted.
And I know that when he feels slighted, baby watch out, because he looks for a way to get REVENGE.
Flirting with David accomplishes two things: he gets attention, and he gets to make David feel stupid when he falls for it. He's fucking with David's head. Hell, Jamie even told Stef that he was PLANNING to flirt with David "to make him uncomfortable." (Whatever that means.)
Mmm, David, watch out. Maybe I should warn him?
I'M NOT GAY! NOT GAY! NOT GAY! I DON'T WANT DAVID! The Nick thing is over, mmm-kay? It never happened. Return to your regular schedules.
Gah, one of the best things about transition is that I don't have to deal with guys hitting on me anymore. It gives me a COMPLETE panic attack. Panting, sweating, shaking, the whole bit. I don't like it, noooooo. *quaver*
And, um, this has been an overcompensation-type Public Service Announcement. Thank you.
Annnnnd breathe.
Okay.
Now, in the time that has elapsed since my last post, I've been (natch) freaking out a bit. (If you haven't seen it, now would be the time. Otherwise, spoilers ahead!)
I tend to talk to myself when I want to work things out. Yeah, I know that sounds nutty. But I pretend I'm talking to someone else, and I just let my oh-so-wise subconscious take over. I heart my subconscious mind.
In the last little while, I've been talking to myself so much I've nearly gone hoarse. But I'm pretty calm now, and I think I can see things I missed in earlier "now - we panic" moments.
Stef explained to me that David thinks he needs a man. Now, putting "man" aside (none of us are men!), I think that's very telling. I guess he's in the same frame of mind as a lot of people get into around late high school/early college.
Basically, I'd say he's just lonely, and if he really thinks I'm gay, he might as well go for it. Because what other chance will he get, nu? I'm a convenient pair of hips is what it comes down to. Not flattering...but understandable.
I know he's really lonely. He come from a prairie town. Considering this is Alberta, the Canadian Bible belt, I can just imagine what high school was like. He's implied many times that he was treated badly before he came to college, but he seems reluctant to just come out and talk about it.
I guess he probably feels less sure that he'll ever be with someone than most people. But how do you say that "nobody will ever love me" isn't true when you're not sure you believe it yourself? I've felt for a while we have a lot in common.
*sigh*
Mostly, I'm worried because he apparently also told Stef that if she's right that I'm "straight as a wall" (Stef's words, not mine) than he'll go for Jamie. Because Jamie was totally flirting with him last night.
IGNORING that fact that Jamie would make any NORMAL person want to lose his lunch, I think that supports what I think of David's motives. He's desperate. Period.
And that bothers me, because I KNOW I understand Jamie better than anyone else in the program. And I know Jamie's childish need for attention. I know that Jamie didn't have anyone talking to him last night. Except for me, briefly, but I wasn't too talkative. I know he feels slighted.
And I know that when he feels slighted, baby watch out, because he looks for a way to get REVENGE.
Flirting with David accomplishes two things: he gets attention, and he gets to make David feel stupid when he falls for it. He's fucking with David's head. Hell, Jamie even told Stef that he was PLANNING to flirt with David "to make him uncomfortable." (Whatever that means.)
Mmm, David, watch out. Maybe I should warn him?
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better late then never?
Date: 2002-12-02 02:40 am (UTC)*hugs*
It sounds like a really tough situation. I mean, it's not bad enough you have to worry about the dynamic between yourself and David, now you might have to protect him from Jamie?
At least you seem to have figured out his motives. That's a good start.
I... kinda think maybe you should give him a heads up about Jamie. Maybe you could stall him somehow. (Um, I'm not a relationships expert, I should say up-front) But maybe you could tell him right off, that you're not interested in him as such but maybe you guys could talk.
I don't really know. Maybe you could bring it up in conversation about what sort of trouble he might be having and what sort of people he'd have to look out for... and maybe drop Jamie's name in at that point.
Just seems like the right thing to do. Not necessarily to say "I know you're going to try to hit on Jamie, and he's setting you up" or anything like that. But maybe, "There's lots of unsavory people out there, like Jamie, for instance... who have this reputation..." or something like that.
*more hugs*
wish I could help somehow.
I think the freaking out part for you will be the trickiest part to get over. How to tell him no without chasing him away so you can still talk to him about the other stuff.
You're good, though. You'll find a way.
*one more hug*