Bye feminist_rage, bye feminist, I won't miss either of you

[beandelphiki]

This is as quick as I can make it, and I won't be dealing with anything else for a while. I apologize for not getting back to things. I will soon, I promise.

I just left feminist AND feminist_rage. I'd been thinking very seriously for the past day or so of leaving feminist, because I was sick of shit in there. I was pissed about the idea of having to deal with delphyne_ again, or even see her username somewhere I or my friends didn't type it. I was upset that several people I think are great, and contribute a lot were leaving, one after the other. Can you sense the Winds of Change? Yeah. What was I getting out of there, anyway? Could I seriously say I learned much? The time at which I could have learned a lot from feminist, I was learning the same things, BETTER (I think), somewhere else. So I figured...maybe I'd leave. But I didn't want to give up.

I just never thought I'd leave feminist_rage FIRST. Not in a million years.

So what the hell happened? I can't say that much (even having left, I don't really want to spill the beans), but the upshot is that there was a banning over a LEAKED POST OMG that dysgr8mystake made to anti_feminism from feminist_rage. Except that she didn't actually leak the post, and she didn't actually leak real replies to the post. She repeated an exchange she'd had with one member and a mod over whether or not feminist_snark was on par with anti_feminism. Personally, I don't quite think so, but she had a point.

She received a mod note that told her to "shut her face" because she doesn't actually know what goes down in feminist_snark. She took it to anti_fem. And she was banned.

And not only was she banned, the same mod oh-so-kindly emailed her to say that she was "concerned" about the "trolls" dysgr8mystake has in her journal - which includes me, apparently, since I left one slightly testy comment asking dysgr8mystake to drop some old drama. (We're really not friends, so it's ironic that this is all over HER.) Then replied to ME in feminist_rage essentially telling me that she doesn't appreciate people acting like "hyenas" in the journals of anti-fem members.

Over something that had nothing to do with her, or her goddamn community.

Last. fucking. straw.

So I just spent several hours saving things. Lots and lots and lots of screencaps, damn. (And no, those aren't for drama purposes, I just want to keep stuff.) There's information in both feminist and feminist_rage that I will never have access to again, but you know what? Information can be replaced.

(LULZ can't. Hence screencaps.)

I saved all the drama I've been in, and all the drama my friends have been in, and I also saved the Chreebomb thing because, why not? And what I realized as I did so was that I've only ever gotten DRAMA and ANNOYANCE out of both those communities, pretty much. As a last gesture in feminist, I read the last thing delphyne_ said to me there (which I had refused to open in my inbox before), and it was just pointless crap. Why was I ever there? (Well, a mod added me, I didn't apply. But that's not what I mean.)

I remember a while back (which I forgot to save, so lost forever) there was a locked post in fem_rage where there was a fantastic discussion of classism. That's my best memory there, and I'd never find it again anyway. And feminist? The best moment was when I convinced a girl who's close to sociology researchers to try to get them to look into doing a research project on the underdiagnosis of LDs and ADHD in kids of color. My ONE moment of maybe-impact.

And other than that...annoyance. Drama. Angst. Annoyance. Fury. Deppression. Annoyance. Disgust. Did I mention annoyance?

I'll do fine without these communities. I might look for others, but I don't need a "replacement" feminist community, because there's nothing to replace. Fuck 'em all.

For posterity, the comments I left (and yeah, this is ALL screencapped, so if anyone says I'm lying about anything, I can prove 'em wrong).]



[In response to a refusal to my request to see the screencaps of the locked post (it's a locked post in anti_feminism, which I will only remain in long enough to get/give replies on this, and then I'm gone.)

---

Never mind. I found it all (mod note, ban note, the "leaked post," the whole shebang) on my own. And if you want to know why I wanted to see it, it's because her accounts of what is going on and yours seem to differ. I wanted to know what was going on. Well, I found out.

(Locked post over there or not, it's easy enough to access, for anybody who doesn't like having the facts obscured. Although I had to join anti_feminism to do it, something I swore I'd NEVER do, so I'm not thrilled about that.)

So, I'm over here shaking over what I saw over there, and in here. I did not originally intend to say anything. But having seen what I did, here it is, as briefly as I can make it:

1) Nobody who is not a member can see what goes on in feminist_snark. Everybody has only guesses, based on what they've seen on snark communities before. The idea that members in there are snarking any old post they dislike? Is not unreasonable - that's what snark communities are typically like. As comments in here indicate, others have had the same concern. Her comment? Was petty, but not that unreasonable. Your response? Was a load of bull.

That was the most vicious and pointless mod note I've EVER seen in any community I've belonged to in all my time on lj. "Shut your face," as a response simply because you didn't like what she had to say was sick. I'd be ashamed of myself for getting that out of hand, if I were you.

And? You can take some accountability for triggering this. She's responsible for her own actions, but you are NOT blameless. Hell, if I had gotten that CRAP in my inbox, I would have been tempted, at least, to do what she did, and more.

2) This Big Brother shit is so fucking old. Had she left out the quotes, would she still have been banned? It doesn't say so in the rules, but I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, what she DID post was petty crap entirely unrelated to the rage, wasn't credited, and she had damn good reason to be pissed about it. I'm not really seeing the OMGHORROR, actually. I've done pretty much the same thing over mod decisions, minus the quotes. If I should have been banned for that, well, I take great pleasure in this outcome, then.

Let me be clear on one thing: taking some woman's rage and quoting the contents of it elsewhere would be utterly fucking vile, especially for mocking. Forget a ban - if that's not a TOS violation, it should be.

But that's not really what this was. Regardless of how you made it sound.


On an even more personal note... Generally, I've liked your comments before. Thought you were smart, fairly insightful, and usually reasonable, even if you could get annoying. I've DEFENDED YOU MULTIPLE TIMES when people had shit to say about the things you pull. Ugh. You feel bad about defending dysgr8mystake? She posted her anger about getting an unreasonable mod note here elsewhere. YOU gave that mod note. I mean, I'm done.

So, you know, fuck it. I got anything I might have needed out of this community a long time ago. Thanks for everything, it's been swell.

Please don't bother to respond. I'm not interested.

---

[And in response to the, "don't act like hyenas," comment]

---

Oh, and one more thing (and this was part of what REALLY upset me):

I wasn't sure what this comment was about. But over in anti_feminism, dysgr8mystake has said that you emailed her saying you were sorry about people "trolling" her journal, and named yakkette, myself, and thelastsplash. I thought at first that was her own extrapolation, but then I realized that you actually NAMING me made this comment make sense. Even if you didn't, you seem to link that comment to this.

So.

I can't speak for yakkette or anybody else, but that was the one and ONLY comment I've ever left in her journal. I was linked there by yakkette, and it all was about older drama - in the case of my comment, ANCIENT drama I was asking to be dropped, albeit testily. It had, you know, NOTHING to do with this community.

I'm honestly sorry if my leaving that one comment was part of the reason she did this (and I'll take that up with her on my own time), but if you'll note, she actually thought my reply was fairly civil, and she asked people to leave me alone. My reply back to her - had I gotten there before I saw all this - would have been completely civil.

So the hyenas thing, please. I've just spent several hours going though feminist communities and saving things, and it's striking just how OFTEN there's problems because you "accidentally misread" something. Maybe you need to work on that.

Completely through now. *dusts hands and leaves*

---

That's all, folks.

Off to find something to eat. And dammit, my work uniform still needs to be washed!

Comments

[madamjolie.livejournal.com]

Wow. What a difference a membership in anti-fem makes.

You want to keep lying? Or post the comment where dysgr8 says I actually DIDN'T call anyone names? Come on, I'm sure that one is pretty good.

You know, it didn't even strike me until now that you and kette could be lying. Did not even cross my mind. I thought that someone actually said what you claimed. Damn.

And please, anyone who denies there being a clique is an asshole. There's not some feminist cabal of superspies, but hello.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Are you going to continue ignoring what I said? I haven't lied yet.

And I found the comment she's referring to ages ago.

[madamjolie.livejournal.com]

No really, post the comment from anti_fem that specifically says "Jolie didn't name you." and as I actually didn't discover that you were the jerk in her journal (and the foursixts actually told Yakkette to stop bullying dysgr8, so this FOURSIXTHS IS EVIL thing is pretty odd) until this afternoon.

I like that one. It clears things up a bit. A lot, really.

Whooo, drama! See, here I was actaully thinking that you were being straight but I see that you're a snake.

Have fun on the internet. I hope Kette doesn't trust you too deep because you, girl, talk about a two face.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

No really, post the comment from anti_fem that specifically says "Jolie didn't name you."

This whole exchange?

Me:

(she was disturbed by yakkette and beandelphiki and thelastsplash coming over to my journal to troll)

Wait, did she actually NAME us? She thought our comments had to do with this?

Her:

No. She pointed out that she was disturbed by "the people" (i believe she said) who were coming to my journal, and what was going on over there. I believe she was referring to yakkette, probably, and maybe thelastsplash. I retract naming you, you only left one comment (well, two now) and neither of them was harrassment. I don't know why I named you. Probably just that I'd seen you comment in general.

I'm fairly disturbed as well, actually.

Etc.

Or something else? Because that's the only comment I know of that says "Jolie didn't name you." And it hardly matters because as I said above (third, fourth time now):

I thought at first that was her own extrapolation, but then I realized that you actually NAMING me made this comment make sense. Even if you didn't, you seem to link that comment to this.

I hope Kette doesn't trust you too deep because you, girl, talk about a two face.

You go warn yakkette about me, then. I'd personally be curious to know her reaction to the news that I'm a two-faced girl. *grin*

[madamjolie.livejournal.com]

Uh huh.

Wait, did she actually NAME us? She thought our comments had to do with this?

Her:

No. She pointed out that she was disturbed by "the people" (i believe she said) who were coming to my journal, and what was going on over there.

Wow, it must be interesting in your head, especially since you got to read an email where she told me specifically that people were harassing her. So I comment in general that harassing people is fucked up. And suddenly that translates to...what for you? Everything past that "no" is speculation and nonsense, thanks.

And somewhere, just because you happen to the one she was accusing of harassing her in that email, I am talking massive amounts of shit everywhere I go.

You can bat your eyes and play doe all you like, but you are the eternal cheerleader and most of us know it. Hell, you completely painted it to foursixths up there. Admirably, I might add.

Has it occured to you that I didn't want to give you those caps because you are notorious for attempting to weasel in on drama that's already going on in order to gain points? Or because, lo and behold, you're not a mod and with the smidgeon of knowledge you do have you love to jump to conclusions that you know everything that has ever happened on the internet because you are just so damn important? Or because she told me that someone was harassing her and I wasn't about to send the fucking calvary over there, especially when you have been vocal in your dislike of her where you think people can't see? I'd been warned off you before, it's a damn shame I didn't listen.

Have fun having no idea what you are talking about. Because to steal a line from Yakkette up there, "We're all laughing at you."

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I've posted pretty much every goddamn thing I claimed to have said, or claimed she said publicly, and if I haven't posted something, I will. It's ALL HERE. The part where she said (or seemed to say) she received an email from you saying you were disturbed by [names] harassing her is there.

I asked her if you had actually named us; she hadn't replied by the time I went to go comment to you, so I went on the presumption that you had, and allowed for the possibility that you hadn't, which is here several times as well:

I thought at first that was her own extrapolation, but then I realized that you actually NAMING me made this comment make sense. Even if you didn't, you seem to link that comment to this.

Your comment to me was:

p.s. I'm not entirely happy about what's been happening to her but it's not a bannable offense.

However, if I'm going to be here calling anti_fem a bunch of hyenas, then I really need people to act in a way that backs me up when I say we are not.

I originally had no idea what the point of that comment was, since I wasn't sure how knowing what had happened magically translated to people charging over there (if it did, fandom_wank would implode!) but see, it made sense when she said that.

Oh, and this:

I'm pretty damn ashamed at the way you went over to her journal and spoke to her.

Like I said, none of your business, since (by her words), it had nothing to do with all of this. And we've talked since then in her journal too, and like I said, that is also none of your business.

You have not yet once denied all that being about my comment to her, not so far as I can see. You denied naming me in the email (well, so does she, so that was pointless), and you insinuated that SHE'D named me (lie), and that seems to be it.

If you were planning to deny the above, you were sure taking your sweet, sweet time about it.

You can bat your eyes and play doe all you like, but you are the eternal cheerleader and most of us know it. Hell, you completely painted it to foursixths up there. Admirably, I might add.

The last thing anybody's ever called me is a cheerleader. Jerk, yeah, that I've been hearing since I found the internet. Cheerleader, no.

I love that I "painted it up" to foursixths/thelastsplash by telling her that my best impression of her is when she was fucking up worse than me at my worst moment. Wow, if that's favourable, I wonder what your idea of rude is.

especially when you have been vocal in your dislike of her where you think people can't see?

I don't greatly dislike he. Don't mix me up with her and yakkette's beef, because I wasn't involved in that. She frustrates the hell out of me sometimes, but I don't hate her guts. If anybody wants me to re-post the things I've said about her, I can do that, too.


I mean really, madamjolie, which is it? Am I like, this huge drama whore? Or a yes-man? Because you'd think the former wouldn't help the latter. But you don't seem able to decide.


But whatever. The way this seemed to have gotten personal without me knowing what the heck was going on - while I was sleeping and everything - really, really pissed me off. I was blindsided. And it's definitely part of why my comments to you have been so angry.

But it's not why I left. I left because (as you can see from my math above), you posted something ugly and utterly unfair, and you ruined my impression that the mods are TRYING to play it fair in that community. I'm not FRIENDS with her, so I can't believe it happened like this, but regardless of our relationship, I won't stand to see someone treated the way you treated her.

Bottom line. And regardless of all this bullshit about how I'm lying - please, you maybe could have proved me wrong somehow, but you sure ain't proved I'm LYING, because I've never done that - everybody can see what a disgusting move you made.

I'm not lying about that, that's for sure. Like I said: I'm sorry I defended you as reasonable to anyone.

Your turn to say buh-bye.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Please do point out where I cried to the mods, though. That's the part I'm really waiting for.

[madamjolie.livejournal.com]

Come on now, don't be trying to save face. Everyone has gone crying to the mods at some point. You damn well know that you're no different.

Except you were more "HAY GUYZ, WHY AM THEY PICKING ON ME FOR BEING A SHEEP?"

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

WHAT THE FUCK? Until you post links, I'll continue to think you're talking out of your goddamn ass. Because you really seem to be thinking of something specific, and I'd love to know what.

[madamjolie.livejournal.com]

Come come now, you fess up to lying about dysgr8 to cause drama first.