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beandelphikiI hope I didn't squick anyone out with the last entry; I didn't mean to. I was just writing to keep my mind off of things.
Weirdly enough, I feel better about menstruation now than I did two years ago; it's like it just stopped bothering me so much once I understood that the reason I felt so awful about it in the first place was because I'm a guy.
It's a thing I just accept without thinking about it now, that a guy can menstruate, and that's not strange.
My only issue is that I feel really alone with it somehow - when it really hurts, I can't tell someone I'm in pain, or why. I always have to think ahead and be super careful, so I'm not stuck somewhere without supplies. Because it's not like I can just go up to one of my female classmates and whisper that I'm in trouble, like all the girls did in high school.
It's just...weird.
Tonight, on the way home in the car, Mom started trying to talk with me about how my day went, and I asked her to not talk to me. I told her that I was in serious pain, and that it was the worst it's ever been.
I wonder if, by saying something like that, I shatter my chances of my mother ever really seeing me as male. I guess that's silly; I will always be my mother's daughter to her, in some way. I guess I just believe that if I can hide anything too female from everyone - even my family - they will eventually FORGET I was ever raised a girl.
Weirdly enough, I feel better about menstruation now than I did two years ago; it's like it just stopped bothering me so much once I understood that the reason I felt so awful about it in the first place was because I'm a guy.
It's a thing I just accept without thinking about it now, that a guy can menstruate, and that's not strange.
My only issue is that I feel really alone with it somehow - when it really hurts, I can't tell someone I'm in pain, or why. I always have to think ahead and be super careful, so I'm not stuck somewhere without supplies. Because it's not like I can just go up to one of my female classmates and whisper that I'm in trouble, like all the girls did in high school.
It's just...weird.
Tonight, on the way home in the car, Mom started trying to talk with me about how my day went, and I asked her to not talk to me. I told her that I was in serious pain, and that it was the worst it's ever been.
I wonder if, by saying something like that, I shatter my chances of my mother ever really seeing me as male. I guess that's silly; I will always be my mother's daughter to her, in some way. I guess I just believe that if I can hide anything too female from everyone - even my family - they will eventually FORGET I was ever raised a girl.
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Date: 2002-11-14 12:20 pm (UTC)