I'm more than two-thirds water

[beandelphiki]

I'm so tired all the time. I think summer apathy has fully set in. Now I'm so tired I don't even want to laze around.

These last couple of weeks, I've been agitating for school to start again. I want to go back, plunge into some brainy work, feel my mind stretch again. And it would also help to kick this addiction I seem to have developed to dazed and purpose-less 'net surfing.


Well, I've changed my mind. I don't want to go back. Why? Well, I registered today, and things are not looking up.


I only got my name changed on the 12th. They told me it would take 4-6 weeks to deliver the paperwork. Well, guess what? The school won't register me under my new legal name without the paperwork. Even the receipt is not good enough.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

I'm going to have 3 new teachers. Can I dare to hope that I'll get a chance to talk to all three of them before class starts? And that they'll be willing to call me by the right name? And that they'll get the clue about pronouns?

If I could have just gone by "Daniel" on the attendance list, I doubt it would be questioned, but if they have to see my birth name FIRST...people can be so fucking stupid. Also, another problem - until I get the paper work, I can't get a student ID card. That's going to be a problem.

The woman who was entering me into the system asked me, "Well, you have to go by your old name until you can bring the paperwork to us. Is that okay?"

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK? NO, IT IS NOT 'OKAY'!"

She told me that I could just correct my teachers when they called my name. I just looked at her. Yeah thanks, dumbfuck, but by then, it's TOO LATE, isn't it?



*sigh* I am so tired of this crap. And the thing is, we could have completely avoided this hassle if we'd gone and changed my name in July. Hell, I've been bugging my mother to help me do it since September. I wanted to do it before I even got my first ID card. I guess what I really should have done is asked her what I would need, and then walked or biked to a registry and done it myself. But I didn't...

When we got in line for our receipt, I pointed all this out. She said in a chipper tone, "Yes, I suppose we should have done that earlier. Ooops, sorry!" She has no clue how important this is, and she's never going to. I want to hate her for this, but I'm too sad right now to be angry.

It's thanks to delays like this that I haven't seen Dr. Miles in MONTHS. Mom keeps saying that we can't make another appointment because we can't pay for it and we need the insurance. Well, guess what? The only person who will help us is in one day a week, and we have to work out the legal issues by email because we can't meet them in person. It's dad's insurance - only he can meet them in person, apparently.

And of course, mom isn't on speaking terms with dad.

I was supposed to be on T a month ago.


I hate my life.

Comments

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

damn that totally pisses me off! I can't believe that a receipt of a legal name change is not sufficient. I think you should go to a dean, or someone higher than a registration person and tell them that the receipt makes it legal, so, what they're doing is illegal.

I mean... illegal means going against the law... and your name change with the receipt is a legal name change, so they have no f*ing right to do that to you.

What's the name of this school? I'll find their number and call them up and raise hell for you. That is so fucking unfair!

I want to smack your mom now, too.

...

and the insurance company.

and... other people...

just name them.

*cracks knuckles*
>((((((((((((((

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm actually not sure the receipt is enough. I mean, it has my birth name, and it states that it was a legal name change, and it lists the price, the address of the registry, and the person who took my oath....

But it doesn't have the new name on it. How does anyone know I'm telling the truth about what my name is now? There's no reason for me to lie but they still don't have proof. Plus, it's a long shot, but I COULD have done that up on the computer myself.

I just had hoped it would be enough. :(

Anyway, *hugs* and thank you.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

oh, that is awful... and kinda sounds like the blame goes to the government agency in charge of that.

Like, at the DMV, or something, when you make a change, they give you a copy of the paperwork, attached to the receipt, so that even though you don't have the "official" stuff yet, you can still show something to the cops that proves it's all legit.

Still, I don't think it would hurt to go to a dean or something. I guess the 4-6 weeks would be after school has already started?

[ex-rainy-day713.livejournal.com]

Geez, could people be a bit less bureaucrat and a bit more human?!

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *big hugs back*

[unintentional.livejournal.com]

Aw, Dan. [hug]

I deal with the president of our student government association CONSTANTLY going between calling me Amanda and Aidan. It's really fuckin' frustrating, because I ask him OVER AND OVER to call me Aidan, but he always resorts back to to Amanda. I understand it can be hard, but shit, not this hard!

Good luck; you're in my thoughts.

[divest.livejournal.com]

its only hard for him because he can't open his mind enough to allow him to see that who you are becoming is who you really are

sucks to be him.

arrrrgh. people are so stupid!

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

arrrrgh. people are so stupid!

I tell myself that every day. :P

[divest.livejournal.com]

lol.

as justin says..

"i'm not anti social, i just hate people"

lmao

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Aaargh. I can't stand it when people do that. Sure, if it's just a slip while you get used to it - I can understand that. It's hard, trying to remember to call someone by a different name when you've called them one thing for a long time.

But when they're doing it because they don't care what you want to be called, or because they consider your new name a "nickname" and therefore not "important" and part of a "phase"... *cracks knuckles*

When people start doing that to me, I tend to cut ties with them. But I guess you don't really have that option with the prez of your student government association. *sigh* I'm sorry to hear that.

*hugs*

[unintentional.livejournal.com]

I actually stressed to him this weekend that I want him to call me "Aidan". Any time that he calls me anything else, I will definitely be letting him know.

[divest.livejournal.com]

*this* is why I want to be a lawyer so badly. I get so tired of everyone being so passive about issues involving the gay/trans community.

So many people act as if we've already won the battle but the truth is, we havn't even begun. This shouldn't happen to you.

It shouldn't happen to anyone.

Its like the whole civit rights movement, this is your bus and you can't get up.

people need to know this is wrong. please don't be ashamed of who you are.

people can be cruel, but until awareness is spread,they are always going to be cruel.

I'd like to think that some day its the norm that gay/trans lifestyles will be accepted, but that won't happen until people are exposed to that which, they are not familiar. So that they can humanize it.

So many people dehumanize gay/trans behavior as deviant and creepy. But knowing someone, seeing the intricacies of their personality, Seeing how great they are even if they are different than you; this is how they learn.

i swear I'll comment in your journal ant*not* be so flippin serious at some point.

I just really feel for you, even though I am not going through anything similar to what you are. I still feel for you and I really wish I could go down there and kick some ass for you.

you are a very courageous person. some people never have the courage to go through what you are goig to, to begin making their dreams happen... and to tell their parents about it!

if you can do that, you can put up with the b.s. that other people give you and stand up to them and tell them "my name is not danielle and I am not a girl."

good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Thank you for your kind comment. And no, I'm not ashamed of who I am - I'm done with that. I'm just frustrated right now.

I agree, we're nowhere near finished this battle. It angers me when I see all of what has to be done, and I'd like to get out there and start kicking some butt for the people who don't have the strength to.

I certainly tell people, "My name is Dan, and you are not to refer to me as 'she,'" - the problem comes only when people refuse to listen to that. When it's my friends, I have the power to simply refuse to be around them anymore. If it's my family or my teachers though, I just don't have that power. *sigh*

Anyway. Thank you very much, and not to worry about the serious comments. With luck my journal will remain mostly weep-free. Sorry I didn't reply to your first comment; these past couple of days have been a little nuts. So hi, welcome, all that.

-Bean

P.S. I adore that icon.

[divest.livejournal.com]

well i'mglad you aren'tashamed.. i thought maybe you were because of how upset you seemed.

I don't even know you but I am extremly proud of you. It takes so much courage to put up with all the bs that society inflicts on transgendered people.

I think it takes alot of courage and most people wouldn't be strong enough to deal with it.

but hey, thats why god does things like this. He gives us the wrong body or does something to us that seems traumatic and wrong.. and then we have to go change it or deal with it.. and its hard but it makes us realize how fuckin fantastic we are.

Bean is so, can I peach your cheeks. hehe.?
-
Julia (now blushing)

[veronicabat.livejournal.com]

[hugs] That sucks so hard. Where do you go? Have you considered transferring? :(

PS

[veronicabat.livejournal.com]

Thought: Your old name was so similar to this one ... Couldn't you just say that it's a typo?? JK ;)

Anyway, good luck <33

Re: PS

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I've tried saying it's just a different spelling, and that's actually flown a few times. *shrug*

When I told my best gay friend that I was changing my name, he objected. He said he actual thought the spelling of "Danielle" was "cooler." *looks amused*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

No I can't...I'm not going to high school anymore, really. Since I'm just updating my high school classes, there's really only one place I can go in the city. Unless I want to homeschool, and my experiments with homeschooling have been miserable failures.

*hugs back*