beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*stress*)
Slight TMI follows, and comments are screened:

Very first gynecology exam in two days )
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)
Huh! I had no idea [ profile] disabled_rage existed. (It seems to be relatively new, though. I found it on some pretty random "checking out other people's communities"-type browsing.)

None of the rage communities are officially "affiliated" with each other (in fact, I recall [ profile] feminist_rage giving up the _rage idea just a bit grudgingly to the [ profile] porn_rage creators, as if they were afraid people would not be able to tell the communities apart), but I kinda feel like there should be some way to find a list of the existing ones.

Mainly because a lot of people I know would like to be aware of the existence of several, if not all, of them. Overlapping issues and such.

So...for those on my list to whom it most applies (if you aren't there already): there's a [ profile] disabled_rage, if you wanted to apply for membership.

In more personal news, I went to my doctor today.

Ultrasound report - there's good news, and there's bad news. Also, I may be developing carpal tunnel )
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (shoes)
Bah! I meant, as I said, to get back to people's comments and such either Sunday or Monday. Naturally, there was then storming in my area! At one point on Sunday, the mall I work at was apparently trying to EVACUATE people! WTF?! I don't know if that was related to the ongoing storm at all or not, but I find it pretty funny that nobody in the food court heard the apparently urgent warnings going on over the loudspeaker, thanks to the usual din.

Okay, so...I went and got that ultrasound done this morning. We were nearly late (badbadbad, they only JUST squeezed me in because of the cancer concern) because I fell asleep last night without turning on my alarm (and had to have Mom practically drag me out of bed) and then spent a good part of the morning Googling breast ultrasounds because it occurred to us a bit late to wonder if it was okay for me to eat, take caffeine pills (because I'm on med holiday today), etc.

We decided it was okay for me to eat something small, so I did...but several sites said, "Do not put any lotions or powders on your breasts." Mom figured that would also apply to armpits, so I shouldn't put on deodorant, either. So I shaved instead, which I haven't done in, um, a while...I seem to remember that your skin needs to get used to the whole shaving deal, and I think I have the butchered armpits to prove it. Owwwwie!

But we were on time. They called me by my birth name when they called me in, which was pretty much inevitable...since although the forms SAY "Daniel," they also say I'm getting a breast ultrasound and teh_boobies = female. I'd geared myself up to say, "Dan, actually," but didn't. I never do.

(Oh, and the tech who did my exam also kept gently calling me, "sweetheart," but I didn't mind that so much as find it terribly amusing.)

Details, details )

So, a largely painless experience. I was told by the nice tech lady, "Your doctor should receive these results in one to two work days." *snorts* Since Dr. H only works Tuesdays and Fridays, I won't hear anything for a bit.

Something very disturbing happened when I got home, whole chest started to hurt, but mostly around my right breast, and ESPECIALLY around the upper-outer section and my armpit. It was to the point that I was unable to lift my arm, and getting waves of nausea.

Thankfully, it seems to have eased off. I had a bad night last night - I kept waking up because lying on my right side hurt - and I'm thinking this may have been the source of pain. (I was assuming it was my lungs again.) I'm pretty worried about how serious this might be.

I discovered when I pressed around the area that poking it hurt a LOT...but a check by touch and with the aid of mirror found no swelling, so hopefully that's a good sign.

Aaaand, it's better now. So I guess I'll just wait and see. Until whatever-this-is is diagnosed, I don't know what else I could do.

In the meantime, though, I REALLY need to stop writing. I AM SO OBSESSIVE, I SWEAR. I promised myself when I started writing this in Word at noon or so that I would make it short to save my poor, pained arm/chest.

Instead, I have typed out the whole damn thing, one bloody sentence at a time. ( I'm insane. But I got the whole pointless story down, go me!

And in better news...I misplaced my rescue inhaler yesterday, but found it again today. Whew! ...Okay, so maybe it's not good news that my asthma is acting up enough that I fretted over not being able to find the Ventolin for 24 hours, but finding it...that was good!

Going to go have ice cream. Will get back to stuff again later, when I've had some rest.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)
I don't have a lot of time or energy to go into much detail on this, but I have a diagnosis. I was going to wait until Dr. Y had written up her report and everything, but apparently there's no need, because she told me Tuesday what diagnosis she's going to put on it, and that it's unchangeable at this point:

ADHD - Predominantly Inattentive Type, Mild-Moderate Severity

She said that there's "no doubt" in her mind that this is my diagnosis, that she's completely convinced. She said this is backed up by all of the following being consistent with my presenting complaint (ADD symptoms):

-the screeners I was given from Disability Services at school
-the screeners she had me fill out
-all my self-ratings, stories and explanations in her office, which she says are "highly reflective of ADD symptoms."
-comments on school report cards (She translated some "teacher-speak" for my amusement. "Do you know what 'has a delightful sense of humour, needs to learn to display it at appropriate times' means?" "Er, no. What?" "That you were blurting things out!")
-my mother's retrospective rating of me in childhood
-[most surprisingly] my behaviour in her office

...Honestly, I thought that I had been very non-ADD in her office, but she says that I VISIBLY tuned out numerous times per session. She actually did a pretty hilarious imitation of me, saying that I'd be looking her right in the eye, she'd ask a question, and after several seconds of silence in which I simply looked at her, I'd suddenly snap to, "dear in the headlights" and say, "What? What was the question?!" "Hel-LO!"

And she opened her eyes up really wide, like I know I have a tendency to do when I'm confused. *laff*

...Which is funny, because I DO remember asking her several times to repeat herself, but in my perception, there was no time gap between her asking the question, and my asking for a repeat. She asked, but it didn't process for some reason, so I was just asking again. (Mostly as a time filler - I tend to ask people to repeat themselves so I can figure out what all those noises meant the first time.)

Anywhoo. I have it, it's official. And my father's response? She basically tossed it out the window, and said, "Your father doesn't know you very well, does he?", he doesn't.

Part of me can't WAIT to tell him my brain is broken, and there's nothing he can do about what the doctor says. Bastard.

Big shocking revelation of late - related )
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)
My father's retrospective rating of my ADHD symptoms )

Not for the first time, I feel like my father doesn't know who I am at all.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)
ARRGH, I finally got the time to write out my last observations on my last session with Dr. Y, and THE POWER WENT OUT. Gaaah.

Okay, trying again:

Last night, my mother and I went over a "Retrospective Behaviour Checklist for Parents" together that Dr. Y gave to me to have Mom fill out. This is so she knows if my symptoms have been consistent from childhood.

When Dr. Y and I were going over a similar checklist together, we came up with 7/9 inattentive symptoms that are currently giving me grief, and 2/9 hyper/impulsive symptoms, those two being "talks excessively" and "often feels physically restless." Although it's really only the latter one that's actually a problem sometimes, because I can have a hard time sitting still enough to do work. I mostly let Dr. Y interpret the severity of my H/I symptoms, because that's not at all what I went in there for. I didn't go in trying to present myself as a hyper or impulsive adult, just an inattentive one. I never thought that I'd been anything other than an "absent-minded professor." (As my mother has called me for years.)

I did note at one point to Dr. Y that my social life as a child was utter hell - every damn kid in the school hated my guts. She asked me why that was, and I honestly couldn't tell her. I can't remember my childhood! I did say that I remember that I always seemed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and was burned for it. Her interpretation was that this was impulsivity at work, but I didn't agree. I insisted that I was only missing social cues. She was forced to agree that the picture I presented in her office was not impulsive whatsoever - that I was calm and quiet (without being timid) and answered her in a measured way.

My mother has a VERY different story to tell - warning, long as hell )

Okay, so according to her...I was actually quite impulsive. She was very certain of this, even more than she was certain I was a "space cadet" as a child. At least this clears up the mystery of why the other kids didn't like me, and why descriptions of "inattentive type" children never felt right. I didn't quite meet the diagnostic criteria for Combined type as a kid - taking my mother's "lowest" responses (safe side), I come out with 6/9 inattentive, 5/9 hyperactive-impulsive, just sub-threshold. Not being the "bouncing off the walls" kid, you know.

But this makes sense, and feels right. I feel so validated, somehow! I've been trying to come up with 71-bajillion other reasons for why I fling myself around so much when no one's watching, and why I need to excuse myself from dinner tables and so on for secretive "movement breaks." I read that the "only" inattentive types only move around because they are anxious. I've been trying, awkwardly, to make this fit my experience, but it doesn't.

Now I know! Although apparently I've outgrown and internalized my impulsivity to a large degree, something that Dr. Y and I discussed.

She's worried about my self-image )


beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)

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