School, and the people in it

[beandelphiki]

I remember a point where I was always trying to come up with snappy titles for entries, and now I don't bother. Hmm.


I've been thinking a bit about the people at school. I see a lot of situations I'm not sure how to be dealing with. People all have their individual quirks, and I keep seeing things I'm sure will blow up at a later date.

Easiest first.

Elena

She's...well, definitely the most mature of the people in our program. The oldest (25); and if not the most vulnerable, one of the most vulnerable, I'd say.

It's hard to describe this, so I'll put it in blunt point form. She's:

- quite well organized, and not prone to procrastination
- ANAL about her grades
- bossy in the extreme, and somewhat condescending about it
- in ALL of my classes
- ugly (I'm sorry, but I said I'd be blunt)
- not exactly a person people automatically think of when making groups for oral presentations, etc.
- aware that she doesn't want to work with idiots...

Does anyone see where I'm going with this? Christ, I am so sick of working with this woman. I procrastinate. Badly. And while that's probably not a good thing, I find I chafe when someone tries to set a different pace. And Elena pushes. Hard. Emails me the night we get put together on the same assignment: "What will you research? How much will you have for tomorrow?" etc. ARRG!

But, after seeing the way she behaves, no one else really wants to work with her, either. And this hurts her, I see it. And I feel GUILTY, but damn, I do not want to work with her again.

Jamie

God, everyone HATES Jamie. If there's a prof or second-year tech within a ten-mile radius, he will have his face stuck so far up their ass, you'd think it would have to be surgically removed.

Every time the teacher assigns something, he has to announce out loud how HARD he will be working on it. When he stays late, and no one else does, he makes sure we know down to the SECOND how long he stayed at school. Whenever people are having just a simple CONVERSATION, he will come in with an unrelated topic, and try to get everyone listen to him talk. And I mean, he does that EVERY time he's in the vicinity of a conversation, I shit you not.

And he has the most condescending voice ever - he talks at about half-speed, all the time, as if he thinks no one will understand him if he doesn't go slow enough.

I wonder who will be the first to attempt to murder him?

Problem is, I'm such a nice guy, I cannot be "mean" to him. I won't switch seats when he sits down next to me,I'll pretend to listen when he talks...I hate his guts, but I pity the guy his lack of social grace.

Nick

Man... [discreet]

Me 'n him, y'know, we got this bubble. Or, at least, I do. Around him, I put us in this mental bubble, where no force can disturb us. Not other people...and not any internal forces of my own. *nods*

Except, sometimes...someone will say something that is a reminder of the odd relationship I have with him, and then I feel, like,... guilty, or something.

And I worry he will find out I'm trans. I could not stand to lose the way we interact, as bio guys - I couldn't stand to lose his respect. But partially, I WANT to tell him. I want to be totally honest. That's not something I've felt for a long time, I haven't felt like I owed anyone something.

And would it make sense at all to say that he makes me want to be a bio guy more than ever, so I wouldn't feel that push-pull?

But the BIGGEST issue with him right now is...he's an addict. A serious addict. Alcohol, pain killers, codeine...!

He told me, "Codeine is good for you, it's like morphine, but not as strong."

I said, "Yeah, and isn't morphine basically heroin, but not as strong?"

He said, "...It is?"

I am so, so, worried about him. But I don't know what to do. :( I don't want him to be kicked out of the program, but if I tell someone up top what I think, he might be kicked out. And a lot depends on him getting this piece of paper, he told me all about it. He needs this diploma to get a great job he's basically had lined up for years.

I wish there was some way to fix this, but right now I'm just waiting and hoping he'll get his shit together on his own.

Hey, he's a food addict...he used to be very overweight, and now he's trim. If he has that kind of willpower, maybe (I hope) he can pull through his other addictions.

I'm just so worried.

David

Oh, great, this one's fun.

The issue with David is...he's gay. And no, that doesn't matter...except it does. It's a big issue. A big UNDERGROUND issue.

The three things about it that are bothering me most:

1) The way the other kids in the program keep treating David's homosexuality like it's a new toy. "He was poking Guy, he's got a crush on Guy!" Well, maybe he does, and maybe he DOESN'T...but I hate the tone the guys take on when they're discussing it. Like a crush he might have is a dirty porno we all have to hide from our moms.

...Nick, at props call tonight, called David a fucking faggot. Not too seriously, but for a LARGE number of reasons, that bothered me.

2) He's irritatingly distant. I honestly don't know if this has to do with his being gay at ALL, but I often think it might be connected. I mean, he gets along fine with the girls, but with the guys...well, he's polite and makes chitchat, and hangs out some, but...it's like he's not really THERE most of the time. Sometimes, I feel like yelling, "Earth to David! Are you really IN there?!?!"

And I feel he's particularly that way with me. I wonder if this isn't just me and my own difficulty with people. I think - maybe I'm trying too hard to engage him. I should give up, stop saying, "Hey David, wassup?" every time I see him. He just looks at me like he thinks I'm a monkey.

Actually, he seems to think I'm of bare minimum primate intelligence a LOT of the time, and it's just depressing, and makes me want to get away from people and hide somewhere. Am I stupid? Tell me, am I stupid?

3) Oh, the worst, in many ways - he's way too competent. He's extremely smart, learns FAST. And I'm slow. Slooow. At least when it comes to tech.

...I knew when I chose this profession that it's not the easiest for me. I chose it because I like it, not because I'm good at it.

[And now I'm crying, which says something big, I guess. I'm taking a break.]

If I were going into some profession that just required me to think about IDEAS, I would be breezing. But I went into something technical, and as as much as I like it, it's not my forte. I'm discovering I have NO ability to see spatial relationships. Eventually, I suppose I will be able to memorize enough models, I can get by, but construction and drafting are a struggle.

I hate feeling stupid all the time. And David, without meaning anything but to do his own work well, makes it so much worse. Especially when I go to him for help, and he acts as if I would be able to do it on my own if I weren't so lazy. I don't want to copy his drafting, really, but I can't do it!

And I've also found that I have this weird attitude...I think, "he's gay. Gay guys aren't supposed to be good in construction." It's like being beat by a girl.

...Wow, now I know I've made someone mad.

And I know that's fucked up. I didn't even know I would think like that in this situation, but I do.


And now my mom wants to know why I'm bawling, and I can't tell her. Because if I did, she'd think I think I made the wrong choice.

I don't think I made the wrong choice, and I don't regret it. I just think I made a hard one.

Comments

[archanglrobriel.livejournal.com]

Hmm...my first reaction, when reading this, was that I've done the "distance" thing before and have seen it done by other gay guys when around someone percieved as "straight male". It's a protective mechanism because on some level you suspect that when they're out of your earshot, the guys -are- probably saying things like "fucking faggot" and you don't want to get too close to that or it hurts a lot more. It's also protective because you don't want anyone to think you're hitting on them accidentally and if you get too friendly with someone it can get played out like that and that's dangerous.
Or maybe that's just his personality - but my thought when reading this was "oh yeah, I'd get distant too if I was in a group with guys I didn't know."
Heck, that's what I -am- kinda doing to the straight guys. How odd. I wonder if I'll stop now that I recognize that I'm doing it.
Hmmmmm.

[camp-actor.livejournal.com]

I do have that problem of distancing sometimes. When you get to know people it generally stops being an issue for you. Like when I meet people for the first time (Male and straight) i tend to be quite stando -offish or dont really get involved, but once i've got to know them I just tend to be myself around them. Joke flirting with them and stuff. It's ok. And generally if people are slagging me off behind my back, i hear about it. I tend to think that those people arent worth bothering about so i shut them out, or I get my revenge...sweetly.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Well, it's good to hear people telling me I've not totally gone nuts.

But we didn't just meet...we've been in the same course for almost two months now. *shrug* I mean, how long does it take somone to relax?

I think it's better now than it was before, anyway. It took me to the third week of September to realize he's in our course, so I guess hanging out some means there's been an improvement in the situation. :D It's just a little frustrating, because we need to work so closely together as a team.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

I'm so proud of you for pursuing what you love.

Don't worry about comparing yourself to David, even if he is gay. You're learning your craft, and that's what's important. In fact, you'll learn it all the better because:

1. you love it, so what you learn will be ingrained in your heart, and


2. sometimes when people have to try real hard to get something down.. they get it down much better than people who just do the same things out of hat.

But #1 is the key.

---

oh.. and about Nick, Jeeezz!!! That is a big issue!
I work with addicts all day and it's not easy for them to straighten up. It is possible, though.. but not easy at all.

Some of the greatest people I work with (and some of my best friends) are former addicts: Nurses, drug counselors and mental health workers alike. I wish the best for him, and hope that you're careful, yourself.

---

oh.. and about Jamie... sometimes I've found that the quickest way to "treat" someone who is behaving as if you were stupid, is to behave as if they were... not stupid, but... not understanding things... or.. slow or something.
It really throws them for a loop and they have to rethink they're whole attitude... because

• They're usually insecure in the first place... so it's easy, and


• Their insecurity usually stems from a fear of being socially inept, which they are.

So, since they are socially inept, it's ok to let them know, I think, because they really want to not be.

I'm not saying that I'm rude or hurtful. I just usually interrupt their tediously slow speech, and say, "No, no, no.. wait a minute. You're getting it wrong. What I was saying was..." etc. In other words, stop them from being condescending to you, because that is hurtful to you, and doesn't help them in their quest to gain acceptance.

It helps if you talk and think faster than they speak, which usually isn't hard.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

oh.. uh... I found this html site, so that's why my post is all frizzed out. :P
Sorry!!! :P

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Whadaya mean? Looks okay to me. I didn't really think about it, but now I see we've been learning to make lists, eh? ;)

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

That is all a lot of really good advice. I'm going to try to remember what you said. :)

Particularly about Jamie. Hmm. His brother is totally normal (also in the tech program, second year), so we all wonder what's up with Jamie. I wonder if it isn't partially that he feels like he has something to live up to.

Anyway, thanks!

[danielray.livejournal.com]

good for you for choosing something that is hard and that you like!

and some unsolicited advice on handling that. :)

1) so a lot of times, being "slow" at something means that you are seeing things differently than the people who are breezing through more quickly are seeing... which means that, even though you might feel like you are playing catch-up all the time, you *also* might have the chance to see something everyone else is missing.

i don't know enough about theater tech to know what that might be... but a project that might be good is to kind of keep track of what you *are* seeing when everyone else is seeing what they are supposed to be seeing but you feel like you are not... sometimes you might catch something that other people miss, or come up with a solution to a problem that's a little unlikely but might work, which might lead to some positive feedback. but more importantly, you can learn how it is *you* are learning the material, rather than trying to learn it in the same way everyone else is learning it...

2) it might be helpful to schedule one class every semester in a subject that you *are* good at, that will be easy and that you can enjoy and that will make you feel smart... so you can stomp around and grumble and think about how good you are in philosophy class, and remember that you are doing this because you love it and it is a challenge.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

1) Oh, and do you have experience with this? :P I suppose part of this is I have to learn to REALLY start paying attention, reading my textbook, etc. I'm not used to that - I'm used to being able to goof off and miss half the material and still be able to breeze through it. I suppose that means I feel even stupider in contrast than if I were USED to always having to struggle a little.

2) My thoughts exactly, that's the plan. Part of me wants to find out what class David is taking for his Arts/Science requirement, so I can try to get the same course, same section...the go in and try to show him up But that's a pretty poor way of looking at it. SO I'm going to just go for either a philosophy or psychology course, since that's what I WANT to take.

[danielray.livejournal.com]

yes. :P

a little bit with myself, in odd areas of my life
(for example, i have the worst direction sense in the universe, and basically needed years to figure out how i process direction-remembering so i didn't keep getting lost all the time. i have a really bad body/kinetic memory, so i have a hard time learning things by doing them--if i can't build a structure in my brain, i can't retain information. so every physical skill i learn, i need to analyze the underlying structure and functions of what's going on. once i do that, i'm good to go. and, as a side bonus, once i do that, i understand some fundamental processes underlying the skill that might not be apparent to someone who can learn right off by doing it.)

more experience with teaching. i've done a lot of teaching math to people who would swear they were bad at math, and spent the bulk of the time working with them to figure out how they process and learn that sort of information. once i can figure out *how* they learn, what is meaningful to them, then the subject matter follows more easily.