Something that's been bugging me for a bit

[beandelphiki]

I'm just so sick and tired of seeing people mocking self-injury. I'm sick and tired of seeing people claim that cutting (or any other SI method used - I don't want to leave anything out here, but it's the most common, so consider any references to "cutters" to include other methods of SI) is cowardly and childish and something you can just stop doing one day because you decide to stop.

I especially am sick of seeing people who are themselves mentally ill, and yet still saying this crap. "I stopped cutting myself because it was selfish to hurt my boyfriend like that, and you should be as self-sacrificing as me!" They've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, and the worst thing is that they haven't gained a thing from it but some dirty shoes.

I hate it when these ex-cutters (who are EX for other people and not themselves) get self-righteous about what they've accomplished without ever acknowledging that they haven't healed whatever issues led them to self-injure in the first place. But because they made their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/parent/sibling/cat happy, they are much better and nobler people than those who are still struggling with hurting themselves.

I'm tired of hearing people who don't SI lay judgment on the lives and problems of those who do. Cutters are "wimps," someone's problems aren't real. In order to JUSTIFY their prejudice, they dismiss the real effects of mental illness, rape, abuse, and many other things. It makes me want to vomit.

I'm sick of hearing people who don't SI calling cutters "selfish" for not catering to their whims and ideas of how people in their life should behave. The irony always escapes them.

Most of all, I'm tired of hearing the struggles of those who self-injure and who are trying desperately to stop brushed off. It's so insulting.

I'm so FUCKING sick of it. I'm sick of being accused of being a cutter trying to excuse my own actions when I try to speak out against this sickening attitude. I'm sick of the fact that if I did admit to past self-injurious behaviour, it would mean that my opinion on the topic is now worthless.


Addiction, mental illness, past traumatic experience - those, along with others, are all reasons people hurt themselves. Rather than recognise that these things are outside the limits of ordinary experience, some people would rather say that someone's inability to cope well with these experiences makes them "weak." These things are "excuses."

Well, they aren't excuses. Excuses are things that you use to avoid responsibility, and I'd never say that someone who self-injures isn't responsible for their behaviour.

But they are REASONS. Some people just don't listen to reason. Or compassion.



The thing is...with so many things out there that I could get upset about, why is it THIS thing that gets me so upset and drains me so much?

Comments

[barbituratecat.livejournal.com]

From someone who SI'd in the past and still struggles with SI - Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying this.

I started to SI when I was fairly young [around 8 or 9] without realizing what I was doing. My parents were either ignorant about it, or didn't consider it a problem at the time. When I got older, I swapped fingernails for razor blades and tried to hide it as best as I could. I didn't know why I was hiding it until it became a huge thing in my school. I was "that girl who cuts herself", with the rumours being everything from I did it because I thought I was a vampire, I wanted to die but was too afraid to commit suicide, or I did it to be more "goth and cool like Marilyn Manson". I stopped when I started dating my boyfriend, but I didn't stop because my problems went away - I stopped because I was terrified of him knowing what I did, or asking me about why I did it, or judging me because of it. [At the time I didn't understand why I felt the need to SI.]

It's been a few years since I've done any major/noticeable cutting/SI, but at least now I'm starting to realize the root of my problems. I've tried to explain my reasons to people who don't SI but they don't understand, which is what's so incredibly frustrating about being a cutter.

Anyways, I didn't mean to ramble on so long. ;) [By the way, this is Tatterlace, just using my new journal. Just so you don't wonder who the crazy girl is ^_^]

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad someone got something out of this. Sort of balances out having to abandon an argument about this topic for the sake of my own mental health.

I started about 10, myself. I think the perception is that it only starts in the teen years. And that's an issue because people don't take much that teenagers do very seriously. (It's odd logic. Teenagers can develop serious problems, but we'll ignore anything going wrong, because teenagers are like that.)

Hi! I didn't realize you'd changed your journal.

[barbituratecat.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wonder if SI starts much earlier, but people are prone to ignoring it because younger children have different ways of expressing SI that might not seem "that extreme". I didn't have razor blades when I started, so I'd scratch my nails up and down my arms and legs as hard as I could until I started to bleed. The one time I got up the courage to tell my mom about it, and that I thought I was depressed she said "You're a Pisces, artists are always emotional" and changed the subject. By the time I got to High School and my cutting was noticeable, adults ignored it. I'd get sent to the counsellor for the stupidest things, but no adult ever brought up the fact that my arms were covered in scars and scabs. Either they were too uncomfortable to mention it, or they just attributed cutting to "Stuff that weird kids do for no reason". They couldn't not know what I did - everyone in every grade knew who I was and what I did by that point.

Yeah, didn't tell most people I changed my journal. Just kinda...did it.

[mhw.livejournal.com]

You're quite right, and I wholeheartedly agree with you. It particularly irks me when these sentiments are expressed by people who, because their self-injurious coping strategies are socially sanctioned (or at least aren't seen as evidence of 'insanity'), can't see that they're doing it too.

*shrug* I suspect that rather a lot of ways of keeping stable in this fucked-up society are pretty fucked up in themselves.

I'm sick of the fact that if I did admit to past self-injurious behaviour, it would mean that my opinion on the topic is now worthless.

When in fact that makes your opinion all the more important and valuable.

I don't know why it's SI and people's attitudes to it in particular that gets your anger flowing more than other things do, but I think it's probably a lot better to be angry and to do something positive with the anger than to worry about whether the anger needs to be justified to anyone, or whether some other thing should take precedence in the list of things to be angry about. If it motivates you, then I think you're probably one of the people who's called to respond.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

It particularly irks me when these sentiments are expressed by people who, because their self-injurious coping strategies are socially sanctioned (or at least aren't seen as evidence of 'insanity'), can't see that they're doing it too.

No doubt. I think they'd differentiate between their issues, and someone who SI's, though, saying that at least they don't sit down and make a conscious decision to hurt themselves.

If it motivates you, then I think you're probably one of the people who's called to respond.

That's the problem! It upsets me too much to really be of much use.

[mhw.livejournal.com]

I think they'd differentiate between their issues, and someone who SI's, though, saying that at least they don't sit down and make a conscious decision to hurt themselves.

I think that someone who smokes, or drinks to excess, or works too hard, must surely by now know, with all the publicity, that what they're doing is self-injurious. They may make a decision not to think about that, but I'd say that to decide to do those things is a decision to hurt oneself. They might reply that there are also benefits to what they do, but so there is with SI. Cutting and all those things are coping strategies, at least in my model, and the fact that they're injurious isn't the primary purpose of doing them; coping with some kind of fucked-upness is.

Hey, I'm in no way suggesting that you have to do any responding now. All I'm saying is that the kind of anger with this that you're showing is very often a seed that can turn into activism. What you'd have to do to be able to let it grow into that, I can't say. I'm pretty sure that it's there, though.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying this. I still struggle with the urge to SI, and I know I probably always will.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

You're perfectly welcome. We can be sick of stupid people together.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

The thing is...with so many things out there that I could get upset about, why is it THIS thing that gets me so upset and drains me so much?

maybe because it's not only really really rude and wrong, but it potentially damages people more to hear than not?

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Heh. *luv* Too true.

Of course, so do many other things. I guess what REALLY bothers me is the deliberate and callous cruelty expressed in these sentiments. I mean, someone might be against gay marriage because they truly and honestly believe that it's wrong. I'd still call them an idiot, but at least they really believe in what they're saying, y'know?

But in this case, the people saying these things really don't give a shit.