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beandelphikiHad my appointment with Dr. Miles.
The Good
I may be able to start T in three or four months. (We are going over Christmas, after all...)
The Bad, The Ugly, The Generally Unpleasant, The Mediocre and The Okay
It sounds like it's going to cost us some real $$$. To get minimal pysch testing done, it'll cost us about a grand. The sessions are cheaper than the woman I went to before, but he wants them every second week (but not over Christmas, so I'm not seeing him again until Jan. 14.)
He did suggest where I might go to get phalloplasty done cheaply from Canada...Thailand.
Yes, THAILAND. My mom is trying not to be pleased, because she'll "have" to go with me.
I think he spent the first twenty minutes at least telling me all his qualifications. He's been working with transsexuals for thirty years. And you know what? For all that, he still sounds like a shrink.
("I know you're stupid because you became a talk therapy shrink, which is like becoming the minister of a religion where you get to be God." Shadow of the Hegemon, OSC.)
I realized somewhere in there that with all the people I've talked to by now, I have my OWN opinions about trans space, and I'm going to have to work hard not to argue with Mr. "I've written a paper on every trans topic you can imagine." I kept WANTING to argue when he said things like:
"I don't consider genderqueer part of trans. That's more gay and lesbian."
"I don't think testosterone increases your sex drive. It's all sociological."
Things like that.
There were a few other things that bothered me or rubbed me wrong. It bothers me a bit that:
1. He claims he's quite strict about following the Standards of Care. But I can't do anything about that, because I've got to take what I can get in my area.
2. He tells me that people with a history of abuse have trouble managing anger on T. I SO did NOT need to hear that. [My face froze when he said it, and I panicked, hoping that he wouldn't see it and comment in front of my mom.]
3. He originally said I wouldn't be able to get on T for 2-4 years (AAAAAHHHH!)...but it turns out that was a false alarm. He thought I was way underage. *laugh*
4. Behaviour modification...
He insisted I show him, right there in his office, exactly how I sit on the toilet. This caused a good ten minutes of arguing and tension.
"What do you mean, how do I sit? I sit."
"Yes, but show me how."
"I just sit."
"How? Sit like you would on a toilet."
"I just sit. I JUST SIT. I JUST SIT."
Finally, I told him, Like this, even though I suspected that the cramped, nervous way I was sitting was nothing like the way I really sit on the can. But I just wanted to get whatever he was doing out of the way. And really, who the hell thinks about the way they sit on the toilet?!?!?
He gave me an appraising look, then said, "Not too bad. But your feet need to be farther apart." Then he lectured me sternly about how, if you sit with your feet too close together in the bathroom, the men will know SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH YOU!
Mom jumped in at that point in my defense, and told him what I was thinking - that never, not once in my whole life, have I sat with my feet together without a reminder to be "lady-like."
I told him I was sitting pulled in a bit because I was nervous. He glanced at his watch and said mockingly, "What, after 50 minutes?" Um, get a clue?
I'm thinking that if he and Dr. Oxenbury are any indicator of what most shrinks are like, I hate shrinks. I remember I nearly pissed my pants in fright when I met Dr. Oxenbury, because I knew she was a woman and I had expected her to be like my family doctor - a sweet, gentle soul, concerned with everyone's well-being. Instead I got Attila the Hun.
Dr. Miles isn't much better. A bit too harsh, a bit too detached, and WAY too hung on himself.
He mentioned something I really didn't like the sound of...videotapes. I slowly got the impression he thinks I'm going to let him videotape me so we can discuss and practice making my gestures more masculine or something.
Um, how's about...NO. Never.
I spent four years out of my life, and various moments out of other years trying to modify my behaviour to be more "girly." I am not EVER doing something like that again. He can suck my c--k. I will behave the way I WANT to. I will sit the way I want, I will stand and walk the way I want, I will gesture the way I want, and I will talk the way I want. If he thinks he's going to get me to practice looking at my nails "like a man" or modulating my voice so I don't express too much range...well, he's got another think coming. I sure hope behaviour modification isn't something in the Standards of Care, because I don't Care, baby. He tries that shit, I'm walkin'.
Not to mention how stupid it would be, because I strongly suspect that, as far as gestures go, I do NOT have many problems. I'm a textbook case of "transsexualism in the female." If I gesture a lot in a girlish way, I'll eat my Mets cap. I think the guys would have ragged on me a bit by now.
Anyway...otherwise, I guess it wasn't so bad. But those things...*shrug*
Oh, and I have to write an autobiography. He didn't tell me how much to shorten it, so I suppose under 20 typed, single-space pages? Not sure, and when I asked he wouldn't really tell me. He also didn't think I needed to do it right away, but I think I could at LEAST get started over the holiday. [/Hermione]
The Good
I may be able to start T in three or four months. (We are going over Christmas, after all...)
The Bad, The Ugly, The Generally Unpleasant, The Mediocre and The Okay
It sounds like it's going to cost us some real $$$. To get minimal pysch testing done, it'll cost us about a grand. The sessions are cheaper than the woman I went to before, but he wants them every second week (but not over Christmas, so I'm not seeing him again until Jan. 14.)
He did suggest where I might go to get phalloplasty done cheaply from Canada...Thailand.
Yes, THAILAND. My mom is trying not to be pleased, because she'll "have" to go with me.
I think he spent the first twenty minutes at least telling me all his qualifications. He's been working with transsexuals for thirty years. And you know what? For all that, he still sounds like a shrink.
("I know you're stupid because you became a talk therapy shrink, which is like becoming the minister of a religion where you get to be God." Shadow of the Hegemon, OSC.)
I realized somewhere in there that with all the people I've talked to by now, I have my OWN opinions about trans space, and I'm going to have to work hard not to argue with Mr. "I've written a paper on every trans topic you can imagine." I kept WANTING to argue when he said things like:
"I don't consider genderqueer part of trans. That's more gay and lesbian."
"I don't think testosterone increases your sex drive. It's all sociological."
Things like that.
There were a few other things that bothered me or rubbed me wrong. It bothers me a bit that:
1. He claims he's quite strict about following the Standards of Care. But I can't do anything about that, because I've got to take what I can get in my area.
2. He tells me that people with a history of abuse have trouble managing anger on T. I SO did NOT need to hear that. [My face froze when he said it, and I panicked, hoping that he wouldn't see it and comment in front of my mom.]
3. He originally said I wouldn't be able to get on T for 2-4 years (AAAAAHHHH!)...but it turns out that was a false alarm. He thought I was way underage. *laugh*
4. Behaviour modification...
He insisted I show him, right there in his office, exactly how I sit on the toilet. This caused a good ten minutes of arguing and tension.
"What do you mean, how do I sit? I sit."
"Yes, but show me how."
"I just sit."
"How? Sit like you would on a toilet."
"I just sit. I JUST SIT. I JUST SIT."
Finally, I told him, Like this, even though I suspected that the cramped, nervous way I was sitting was nothing like the way I really sit on the can. But I just wanted to get whatever he was doing out of the way. And really, who the hell thinks about the way they sit on the toilet?!?!?
He gave me an appraising look, then said, "Not too bad. But your feet need to be farther apart." Then he lectured me sternly about how, if you sit with your feet too close together in the bathroom, the men will know SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH YOU!
Mom jumped in at that point in my defense, and told him what I was thinking - that never, not once in my whole life, have I sat with my feet together without a reminder to be "lady-like."
I told him I was sitting pulled in a bit because I was nervous. He glanced at his watch and said mockingly, "What, after 50 minutes?" Um, get a clue?
I'm thinking that if he and Dr. Oxenbury are any indicator of what most shrinks are like, I hate shrinks. I remember I nearly pissed my pants in fright when I met Dr. Oxenbury, because I knew she was a woman and I had expected her to be like my family doctor - a sweet, gentle soul, concerned with everyone's well-being. Instead I got Attila the Hun.
Dr. Miles isn't much better. A bit too harsh, a bit too detached, and WAY too hung on himself.
He mentioned something I really didn't like the sound of...videotapes. I slowly got the impression he thinks I'm going to let him videotape me so we can discuss and practice making my gestures more masculine or something.
Um, how's about...NO. Never.
I spent four years out of my life, and various moments out of other years trying to modify my behaviour to be more "girly." I am not EVER doing something like that again. He can suck my c--k. I will behave the way I WANT to. I will sit the way I want, I will stand and walk the way I want, I will gesture the way I want, and I will talk the way I want. If he thinks he's going to get me to practice looking at my nails "like a man" or modulating my voice so I don't express too much range...well, he's got another think coming. I sure hope behaviour modification isn't something in the Standards of Care, because I don't Care, baby. He tries that shit, I'm walkin'.
Not to mention how stupid it would be, because I strongly suspect that, as far as gestures go, I do NOT have many problems. I'm a textbook case of "transsexualism in the female." If I gesture a lot in a girlish way, I'll eat my Mets cap. I think the guys would have ragged on me a bit by now.
Anyway...otherwise, I guess it wasn't so bad. But those things...*shrug*
Oh, and I have to write an autobiography. He didn't tell me how much to shorten it, so I suppose under 20 typed, single-space pages? Not sure, and when I asked he wouldn't really tell me. He also didn't think I needed to do it right away, but I think I could at LEAST get started over the holiday. [/Hermione]
