Bad, bad day
Dec. 16th, 2002 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beandelphikiI had my English exam today, and my interview for Production Practicum I. Both didn't go too well, and the PP interview actually went awful.
For the exam I had to write on one of three essays - two that were way out in outer space and horribly overwritten, and one that was so boring I could barely make it all the way through. (That last was Canadian y'know. I'm so proud of the writers in my country. Never sell out to the U.S. or become the slightest bit entertaining, not one in the whole lot. I feel patriotic, I say.)
The PP interview...
...it turns out I got a C for my practicum. A C. A motherf*cking C.
And I thought that would be one of my best grades.
The verdict was:
1) I don't ask/look for the next task enough. I sit and wait to be told what to do.
Fucking bullshit. I asked Andrea so many times what I should do next that I think she got sick of me. I don't think I was too shabby about that on Props either, but I can't remember too well. I know I didn't ask the instructors for tasks much, but Robyn (Props) was never there, and Doug (Lighting) had no fucking clue what was going on. If asked, his best answer was usually, "I don't know, ask Andrea."
2) I struggle with tools and hands-on work. I wasn't able to do tasks I should have been able to complete.
As far as Lighting goes, more fucking bullshit. I can clearly remember Andrea getting pissed at Jamie and Navroz because they did half the work Nick and I did and they needed more time, too. Plus Andrea and Nick had to go back and FIX a lot of the stuff they did wrong. I can hang fine. Slower than Nick, but everyone is slower than Nick.
I had a problem with focus, I remember that. We were supposed to have learned it in class, but when all of us got to hang one light, I don't think we really got a chance to get it DOWN, y'know? And the light Doug had me trying to focus was in one of the HARDEST places to focus on any bar. I know I couldn't do it, but there wasn't a single person on LX who could do it easily.
I strongly suspect that if they had replaced Jamie, Nick and Navroz - ALL with far more experience than I in this area - with three other people in our class (besides![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
abalorn, Q.E.'s lights guy) I would not have been at a discernible disadvantage. I was paying attention to the others during Light Lab Projects, and I noticed that David and the two girls in his group took so long to hang one light I felt like going over and offering to help.
As far as Props goes...they're right, but I hardly care. I've discovered that most of Props is construction, and due to my lungs, I will never be able to work in construction ANYWAY when I'm finished school. I suck at it, okay. Tell me why I should care.
What they got right (that I can think of right now)
Robyn WAS right, however, when she told me that I should have told Graham that I didn't really get how to focus. I suppose I didn't at the time because I felt like I was getting all I was going to get out of Graham. Next time I'll ask so I'll at least know if I'll be given the brush-off or not. At least then if I can't do something I might have the defense that my prof refused to teach it to me when I had difficulty. (Assuming he does! If he doesn't, and he shows me, peachy keen.)
3) Okay, well for this one I want to point out how blatantly I was compared to the other three. Were this the real thing, a real job, I wouldn't be able to say that that wasn't fair because they know more than me. But this isn't a job, it's supposed to be SCHOOL, and it boggles my mind that I get compared and found inferior to people who knew what they were doing for lights before they even go in the classroom.
4) I won't get gainful employment because I'm only good for grunt work.
Right. See all of the above.
5) I need peer tutoring.
In hanging/focusing lights. And hammering nails. I'll make a note of that. Actually, I won't.
I barely made it out of there without crying. I fucking hate Robyn and Doug. I can't decide whether I should let it go or snap off an angry letter telling them (civilly) that their assessment is completely fucked up, and why.
I think I'll talk to Andrea first. If she agrees with them, I'll give the whole thing some serious consideration. But the whole interview, I kept wanting to cry FOUL! UNTRUE! I hope my own assessment of myself isn't that bloody far off. I suppose I should have said something then, but I was too close to tears, and I never. cry. in. front. of. teachers. ever. Then I got mad for a while, but now I'm back to feeling sad, and that's worse. Maybe, I keep thinking, Richard's right about me. Maybe I should say screw tech and become a full-time writer. But I've already put more than $3000 into this.
I dunno, I feel a bit like I might sound like I'm making excuses for myself, but they feel valid to me. *shrug*
For the exam I had to write on one of three essays - two that were way out in outer space and horribly overwritten, and one that was so boring I could barely make it all the way through. (That last was Canadian y'know. I'm so proud of the writers in my country. Never sell out to the U.S. or become the slightest bit entertaining, not one in the whole lot. I feel patriotic, I say.)
The PP interview...
...it turns out I got a C for my practicum. A C. A motherf*cking C.
And I thought that would be one of my best grades.
The verdict was:
1) I don't ask/look for the next task enough. I sit and wait to be told what to do.
Fucking bullshit. I asked Andrea so many times what I should do next that I think she got sick of me. I don't think I was too shabby about that on Props either, but I can't remember too well. I know I didn't ask the instructors for tasks much, but Robyn (Props) was never there, and Doug (Lighting) had no fucking clue what was going on. If asked, his best answer was usually, "I don't know, ask Andrea."
2) I struggle with tools and hands-on work. I wasn't able to do tasks I should have been able to complete.
As far as Lighting goes, more fucking bullshit. I can clearly remember Andrea getting pissed at Jamie and Navroz because they did half the work Nick and I did and they needed more time, too. Plus Andrea and Nick had to go back and FIX a lot of the stuff they did wrong. I can hang fine. Slower than Nick, but everyone is slower than Nick.
I had a problem with focus, I remember that. We were supposed to have learned it in class, but when all of us got to hang one light, I don't think we really got a chance to get it DOWN, y'know? And the light Doug had me trying to focus was in one of the HARDEST places to focus on any bar. I know I couldn't do it, but there wasn't a single person on LX who could do it easily.
I strongly suspect that if they had replaced Jamie, Nick and Navroz - ALL with far more experience than I in this area - with three other people in our class (besides
abalorn, Q.E.'s lights guy) I would not have been at a discernible disadvantage. I was paying attention to the others during Light Lab Projects, and I noticed that David and the two girls in his group took so long to hang one light I felt like going over and offering to help.As far as Props goes...they're right, but I hardly care. I've discovered that most of Props is construction, and due to my lungs, I will never be able to work in construction ANYWAY when I'm finished school. I suck at it, okay. Tell me why I should care.
What they got right (that I can think of right now)
Robyn WAS right, however, when she told me that I should have told Graham that I didn't really get how to focus. I suppose I didn't at the time because I felt like I was getting all I was going to get out of Graham. Next time I'll ask so I'll at least know if I'll be given the brush-off or not. At least then if I can't do something I might have the defense that my prof refused to teach it to me when I had difficulty. (Assuming he does! If he doesn't, and he shows me, peachy keen.)
3) Okay, well for this one I want to point out how blatantly I was compared to the other three. Were this the real thing, a real job, I wouldn't be able to say that that wasn't fair because they know more than me. But this isn't a job, it's supposed to be SCHOOL, and it boggles my mind that I get compared and found inferior to people who knew what they were doing for lights before they even go in the classroom.
4) I won't get gainful employment because I'm only good for grunt work.
Right. See all of the above.
5) I need peer tutoring.
In hanging/focusing lights. And hammering nails. I'll make a note of that. Actually, I won't.
I barely made it out of there without crying. I fucking hate Robyn and Doug. I can't decide whether I should let it go or snap off an angry letter telling them (civilly) that their assessment is completely fucked up, and why.
I think I'll talk to Andrea first. If she agrees with them, I'll give the whole thing some serious consideration. But the whole interview, I kept wanting to cry FOUL! UNTRUE! I hope my own assessment of myself isn't that bloody far off. I suppose I should have said something then, but I was too close to tears, and I never. cry. in. front. of. teachers. ever. Then I got mad for a while, but now I'm back to feeling sad, and that's worse. Maybe, I keep thinking, Richard's right about me. Maybe I should say screw tech and become a full-time writer. But I've already put more than $3000 into this.
I dunno, I feel a bit like I might sound like I'm making excuses for myself, but they feel valid to me. *shrug*
