The Open Source Made Of Fail Project

[beandelphiki]

Latest hot wank-fest (not exactly ongoing in the original post, since comments are now frozen):

The Open Source Boob Project.

[NOTE: The number of comments to that post are overwhelming, and it may load very slowly if you don't have a fast connection. It's even killing my hi-speed. So if you don't have hi-speed, this OTF_Wank write-up may load faster.]

The top of the post is currently an update after many people raised hell over it, so you need to scroll down to find the original start of the post, which reads: "This should be a better world," a friend of mine said.

Basically: straight white male posts about people touching each other's bodies (although the post focuses on women's breasts) at a con.

Interpreting the OP farther than that is probably going to get me into trouble, because the perspectives here are numerous and varied. If you're curious, I think you'll need to read it. The comments though, would probably take all but the fastest readers (with good connections) - I admit I never got past the first page when I first saw this today.

And it's...well. The original project, to my eyes, is ambiguous and problematic at best. The fact that this apparently happened in a public (not a closed, just-among-friends) space is a large part of what makes this disturbing; it goes beyond cluelessness to suggest that no one there could have been made to feel at all uncomfortable, unsafe or coerced. Either in being asked, or just witnessing what was going on.

And it doesn't help that this was one of theferret's posts. If you're unfamiliar with The Ferret, well, he's been around for a while now, and he's quite the LJ celebrity. He is also, as stated, a straight white male, and that perspective shows here. I don't know for sure how much his perspective is coloring the truth of this tale in the telling, but I do know his way of telling it is a source of hurt and rage in and of itself for many people.

And YET, I can't quite look and this and find it completely evil and gross. I'm ready to believe that some of the participants were truly willing and got something good out of it. I've been in situations before where Something Great Just Sorta Happened, and within some particular environment/atmosphere, people were suddenly that much more open and intimate with each other.


[Actually, it most specifically reminds me of the time I got a request to see and touch my bound breasts because a girl I knew was curious about the bindings, and the effect of the binding on my chest. Which didn't bother me.

Although differences exist in that this was never sexual or public, I still think there is a valid surface comparison in that she asked for something which many transgendered people would say was totally out of bounds, and I know that most people with any clue about trans issues would have told her to GTFO. And yet, nobody speaks for me.

Had this entire event not been public/anonymous for some, I think we could just leave the participants to speak for themselves.]


So in the right space, I think this COULD happen and be a positive thing. I do think context and intent have an effect on the impact of something like this. But intent is never an EXCUSE, and was this the right space? Was this contributing to the subtextual societal belief that men have unqualified access to women's bodies? It doesn't appear to have been the right space at all, which means the Project people need to do some serious re-evaluating here.

I'll note that there's some REALLY interesting and thoughtful commentary in the comments and in various reaction posts for anyone who wants to look for them. (To help you out, someone has compiled a partial list of reactions on Journalfen here.)


But then, some of those responses I did not find as interesting or thought-provoking. See, for example, this one:

A Modest Proposal - The Open Source Swift Kick to the Balls Project.

(Again, the last time I checked, there were nine pages of comments. Dial-up users beware - I'm sure you can get the idea from the name alone.)

Apparently almost everyone thinks she wins the internets or something, but frankly, I'm not handing over my little corner.

[Why am I always a dissenter, dammit? Part of me wants to say something in her journal, but I am so, so tired of being seen as some sort of drama-seeker when I speak up. Now, I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that I'm passionate about what I say, and I've spoken without thinking many times. But I don't know if I even want to leave a low-key comment. I'm just sick of people on the internet, man. Fuck 'em.]

To me, this is not funny. Not at all. Not even a little bit. To me, this is flat fucking sick.

And this is not, "effective satire." Which is a shame, because it SHOULD be. It's well-written, and the point it makes is a sharp and accurate one. And, well, okay, maybe the name is funny.

The problem is that it's just too much. My overriding thought while reading it is that I've never wanted to hurt anyone. I've been randomly groped and pinched (by guys and girls who DIDN'T ask), I've been leered or stared at for extended periods of time (did you know that working in a mall food court restaurant is like putting yourself on display like a window mannequin? well, it is), and I've been chased home in tears by a guy making lewd suggestions. I never wanted to hurt ANY of them. I just wanted them to leave me alone.

I mean, I've been violently attacked in a non-sexual way, too. By family members, and by total strangers. And I ALSO wouldn't wish that on ANYONE. Not a soul. Not even as a joke. It's not funny. It makes me want to cry, actually.

I'm not saying I have a problem with acting in self-defense. I absolutely don't. Some guy gropes you and you break his nose? I'm on your side. You have nothing to apologize for.

I just can't get behind the "satire" of suggesting unjustified violence. And no, failing self-defense, I don't think violence is ever justified.

There's almost NO way I can say this without looking like some patriarchal apologist who Just Doesn't Get It. Is that what I am? I just don't know what to think right now. Does being male-identified (even if I wasn't raised as a male) affect my perspective here? I think I spent my younger years more oblivious than I might otherwise have been to the insidious attitudes towards women - mainly because I always innately identified with men.

[Do I really have to say, "And that's just me," here? Because the last time I said something like the above paragraph I got a bunch of other FtMs saying, "Well, by the way, we're not all like THIS clueless dumbass. I'm a GOOD guy." I don't want anyone to be CONFUSED on the point that I alone am identifying myself as a BAD guy. *snerk*]

I was GOING to say that part of the problem is that these two things - explicit verbal consent in a murky context, and an uncomplicated act of violence - are not comparable. And I do think that's part of what originally bothered me as well; as a direct comparison, the satire ends up over-the-top.

That's ignoring the larger social context, though. The satire more broadly addresses this social context, the ongoing assault on female bodies that the OP is evidently pretty clueless about. The lack of safety anywhere which makes a "red button," appear something of a joke in and of itself.

So I don't know how to feel about the number of people who think this is on-point and funny and relieving to see. I respect a lot of the usernames I see on that post. And so I've TRIED, believe me, to see it from their perspective, to find humour in it.

I just...can't. Can't even pretend to myself that I see humour in it. I don't.

As I said in a comment elsewhere:

I actually knew some girls in high school who started up their own unofficial Open Source Swift Kick to the Balls Project. (Except they called it, "Kicking guys in the nuts for fun.") The guys who were attacked did not report it because they didn't want to get their [female] friends in trouble.

(I don't know why none of us reported it ourselves. We should have. But it's easier to say that in the abstract than it is to actually get your friends in trouble in reality.)

Maybe that's why I'm so bothered by this? I've seen the real thing.

And it just wasn't funny.

Comments

[ratkrycek.livejournal.com]

I wonder how much of a coincidence it is that several of the posts currently on my flist have to do with theferrett's post, or rm's poll. Purposefully done or not (not everybody runs in the same circles), I find it a very interesting juxtaposition.


Certainly thought-provoking, if nothing else.

I wonder why it is that some people have such a sense of entitlement to sex/other people's bodies. This is a question/discussion that has gone on for a very long time. You'd think we'd be more evolved than that, as a species.

[hry2007.livejournal.com]

Wow. That is just way too much fail.

1) I'm sure some (many) of the women at the boob thing (I refuse to read the full version on my day off) felt pressured or uncomfortable.

2) That said, in a feminist-run, pro-sex atmosphere, this would be less made of fail.

3) The kick lads in the nads campaign... no. One, it reeks of this whole "women never want to be touched" stigma, and if they do they're dirty little hos. Two, why does our culture find violence toward men so damn hilarious? We joke about prison rape, damaging sex organs, etc. Is it because a "real man" is supposed to be able to defend himself? If so, how sad is that, that the idealized gender in our culture is expected to be stoic and brutal.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I always feel a little cynical when I see polls like that, as they always seem designed just to prove that females experience sexual harassment, molestation and/or rape more often or more severely than males. Which, unless you are many kinds of dumb...

I filled it out anyway, though. I'll be interested if she can draw any, more insightful, conclusions from it beyond, "women get harassed and raped more."

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

1) I'm sure some (many) of the women at the boob thing (I refuse to read the full version on my day off) felt pressured or uncomfortable.

There HAVE been replies from women who said they weren't, and since I haven't read all the comments, I couldn't tell you how many women are saying that. But...reports are that this covered 30-40 people at the con, and I don't think he's had 30-40 people vouch for it. (And that doesn't include witnesses.) So my guess is, yeah.

Two, why does our culture find violence toward men so damn hilarious? We joke about prison rape, damaging sex organs, etc. Is it because a "real man" is supposed to be able to defend himself? If so, how sad is that, that the idealized gender in our culture is expected to be stoic and brutal.

Those are really good points, actually. I hadn't considered it from that angle.

I forgot to mention it, but I was struck that the design of the "please ask first," pin is a lavender question mark on a black background. I thought, Why that color in particular? I mean, it could have been chosen as a "women's campaign" color (although you'd think we could stop associating females with pink and purple), but it seemed like part of the point of the color was emasculation and humiliation.

Which is naturally oh-so-feminist.

[ratkrycek.livejournal.com]

Well, I think part of the problem is the severe lack of discussion about rape of males; there is a woeful lack of awareness out there. I guess it's because the guys feel so much shame; the only shame to be had is that so many people are unaware of it!

Even in abuse. I remember reading about a man in Canada who was being physically and emotionally abused by his wife. He called around to DV support centers, call lines, what have you. They literally laughed at him. He ended up founding his own support group/center for abused men later, but it took him a long time to get to a place where he could do that.

It's time we had (collective we) a real conversation about rape/abuse/sexual harassment of males, both by males and females. If we can do that, we may get somewhere.

[ratkrycek.livejournal.com]

Our culture finding violence against men so hilarious is part of the problem. (Of course, there are those who find violence against women hilarious, as well.)

That mentality is so very disturbing.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I have no doubt that the numbers of males who are harassed, abused and raped are higher than reported. (And if it's hard to get people to take female/male abuse seriously, it's even worse to get anyone to take abuse in queer relationships seriously.) I don't mind awareness-raising discussion about that.

I don't, however, believe those numbers are on par with similar ones for male/female violence. So making that point seems a bit trite to me.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Yes, absolutely. It's like, finding it funny is a step removed from the male culture of violence itself, which is a step removed from violence towards women, which is a step removed from treating women's bodies as public property, so it's all just a few steps removed from what they're so upset about in the first place.

Aargh.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

gosh, I haven't had even a moment to look at that thread, but I plan to sometime. Anti male humor, though, has always made me feel very threatened and vulnerable. I guess because I'd never hurt anyone myself, so I don't see why people would joke about hurting me.