RIP, Tiger

[beandelphiki]

So my cat, Tiger. Yeah. We had to put her down yesterday.


Mom found her yesterday morning, lying on the basement floor in a pool of her own...well. Yes. Normally mom whined if we suggested she might help out cleaning the catbox, but this time she cleaned it all up on her own before she woke us up. I guess she wanted to spare us the scene.

Anyway, she was crying and everything, and said she would take Tiger to the vet. Nicole and I went down to the basement and found her sitting up, but she didn't respond in any way to our petting.

I asked mom if she would put Tiger down if she had to before I had a chance to say goodbye, because I had to go to school yesterday. She sort of said no, not really. So I didn't bother to leave my cell phone on. Why waste the batteries if I won't be called?

Honestly, though - I thought she'd be fine. We were scared she'd get cancer too, after Lester, and I've thought a bit since he was put down about how old she's getting. So I guess I thought she would die of old age. I never thought of anything else. That didn't seem possible.

When I got home, Nikki greeted me with the bad news. Seems they don't know why Tiger was suddenly so ill, but the vet thought she might have fallen and ruptured her spleen. And at her age, surgery would probably do more harm than good. So she got put down. While I was at school.

I've lost both of my cats, and I wasn't there for either of them when it happened.

It's been crazy around here - I know that we had forgotten to take care of her in little ways lately. Actually, I forgot. It's sort of horrible, that. Like finding out your grandmother died before you had a chance to apologize for something you didn't mean to do.

I hope she knows she belonged to a family that loved her. :(

I always said that if - when, really - Tiger died, I'd go crazy. But I haven't yet. I haven't really felt any grief at all. I guess it's because I don't believe it yet. I really don't. It hasn't sunken in she's gone.

Lester was different, because I watched him die by slow degrees before we had to put him down. I sat beside him when he was losing clumps of fur and coaxed him to eat. Tiger - she was here and healthy two days ago, and now she's dead.

I keep thinking of her as though she's just in the next room, and that's why I don't see her around. When I get up at night to use the bathroom, I swear I see her shadow on the old quilt in the hallway, where she's been sleeping for several days. She's not gone. I still see her around. It's like when you look at a light and then see spots on your eyes for minutes afterward. I still see her after-image.

I think...I may never be sad. All I have to do is keep thinking of her as though she's just in the next room. Eventually, I'll stop looking for her. I just have to side-step everyone else's grief. And it will never hurt.

Comments

I'm so sorry

[haleth.livejournal.com]

I know lingering illnesses are awful for those that have them, but there's something to be said for being able to prepare for a death. Sudden ones are even harder to deal with. I'm sorry you weren't able to be with her. :-(

I swear I see her shadow on the old quilt in the hallway, where she's been sleeping for several days. She's not gone. I still see her around.

I've seen both our cats since they've died. I hadn't thought of that... not likely to see them after we move.

I think...I may never be sad. All I have to do is keep thinking of her as though she's just in the next room. Eventually, I'll stop looking for her. I just have to side-step everyone else's grief. And it will never hurt.

Maybe, maybe it will never hurt. Or maybe it will never stop hurting. I hope you're right, though.

*warm hugs*

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

I think that they live on, through you, by the nature of the impact they've had on your life. I know I carry mine with me in my heart, which is, necessarily, a warmer, fuzzier place for their presence.
*hugs, peace and love*
me

[groovycat.livejournal.com]

-hugs- go pick out a new kitty from the pound, maybe?

[ex-rainy-day713.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Three of my friends lost their cat this week. Stupid week *kicks it*

[emptygirl.livejournal.com]

Ah god, I'm so, so sorry. Sometimes shit just doesn't seem fair at all. Well, never really. But I hope you're able to heal. I'm sure Tiger knew she was adored and loved. I'll be thinking of you...

*hugs and lots of love*

[unintentional.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, darling.

*puts an arm around you and holds you close*

[griffen.livejournal.com]

*wordless hugs*

[macai.livejournal.com]

My first two cats were put down- my parents lied to me about this. However, I knew. My next cat was also put down without my knowledge- the garage door collapsed on him. My first dog was hit by a car. All I heard was the screech of tires as that car zoomed away without a word. It's horrible. We dread others' deaths much more than our own. Looking at the cat lieing next to me, I have to admit that she'll die someday. And I won't be ready. Not now, not ever. I just hope it doesnt happen tomorrow. *hugs* I'm sorry yours happened now.