Random stuff about comms I am/was paying some attention to

[beandelphiki]

So this is a real conglomeration of crap about communities that have been distracting me from school today...

Removed myself from sex_and_race this morning, thanks to this post; my own foot-in-mouth comments and comments other people left there. I don't feel comfortable making other people uncomfortable* in their own space, and I don't really believe I belong there in any way. The last thing being when the mod left this comment, which seems to imply that she doesn't totally see the community as a safe space anymore, so eh...I'm gone. Had slightly angsty morning over that, but I'm so over it. Wish 'em well there.

*I'm am not saying I'm making community members uncomfortable all by wee self, by the way. Just that I felt I was contributing. So.


This comment in ap_racism is driving me up the goddamn wall, because the sugar/ADHD connection is very weak at best, and most likely crap and a total myth. But I already decided that I am not applying to join that community for the time being, and I'm not breaking my rule because I want to comment on something that is actually quite OT, and not that important anyway. BA-REATHE!



anti_porn is also driving me batshit again. Big surprise! This post and comments are so "WTF?!"

Choice bits here:

I am referring, to gay male pornography, since so-called lesbian pornography is designed for consumption by heterosexual males.

Can I say how sick and tired I am of hearing how "lesbian porn" is ALL marketed to straight men? I'm sorry, no - stop, get off. Not ALL lesbian porn is made by men and marketed toward men. I'm not going to make statements about the quality of by-women-for-women pornography, but MY GOD IT EXISTS! Not very much of it, but shit...that doesn't mean it's existence should be entirely eclipsed by "Playboy lesbians" to the point that it's not worth mentioning, let alone discussing.

(And it sort of makes me wonder how this perception that real lesbian porn either doesn't exist or completely sucks influences the creation of this porn in the first place. Just a passing thought.)

Then there's a bunch of questionable stuff about "gay culture" valuing being "overly sexual." While you could get into a lot of discussion about safe sex, sexual addiction, and various other issues in the queer community, I DO have to ask who appointed the OP to decide how much sex is too much sex.

And...

So do the usual arguments against porn carry over to the gay world? There's no need to throw "patriarchy" into the mix, and there's zero chance of gender-based power struggles.

The stupid, it hurts! This guy has...no conception of the patriarchy (notice the quotation marks?) as it relates to anything other than heterosexual relationships. Cute.

The million dollar question is; Is pornography hurting the gay subculture, or is it merely an unavoidable aspect of it?

I don't know about you, but even as someone with an essentially pro-porn stance, I think that's a false dichotomy, don't you?

And then in the comments...


i have MUCH less of a problem with (gay) male porn--maybe just because it's not catering to the majority. i think it's sexier too. honestly, all of my "beef" is with porn designed for straight men. maybe that's because it's the "straight male" porn that affects me most directly?

Mmm, you think? Again, as essentially pro-porn, I still find it fucking irritating as HELL that this poster's only got an issue with pornography that she sees as degrading her, while gay male porn (of which she is an "outside" observer only) is "sexier." HAH.

Basicly, the pressure on women is to be thin. The pressure on gay men is to be thin and muscular.

...Yeah, ALL the pressures on women can be boiled down to "be thin." I...WTF?

sadly, gay culture has failed to live up to the possibilities for reciprocation and equality that same-sex relationships offer -- there are generally tops and bottoms, sometimes doms and subs, et cetera. It's just as gendered, though in this case the gender isn't necessarily attached to sexual organs.

Of course, it takes a straight female to say this...

While it's true that there are gendered aspects to top/bottom dynamics (especially in porn), it still reminds me of, "Who's the woman?" That may be partially or totally because a poster in another community on my friends list was ranting about that, I don't know...

However, I don't know of any additional stigma femmes recieve over doms and versatiles.

I'm having a fucking aneurysm over here. He can't be serious.

Then the OP's asked if he's approaching this from an insider perspective of the gay community or not, and he flips into, "OMG U DONT NOE ME!!!1" Please!

And finally, the pièce de résistance:

Although I do think the remark about whites being dominant in gay porn was a little unjustified, I had completely overlooked the nazi-fetish subgroup.

He's fucking JOKING. Oh my god. No, almost all the men in mainstream gay porn aren't white and blonde! Doesn't happen! He didn't think there was any racism in gay porn, but that's because he didn't realize/remember there's some that focus on a Nazi fetish. Oops!

I just...wow. I'm done.



For all the aggravation though (and I'm really referring to anti_porn here), I'm finding that I feel like I'd rather spend my time talking and reading on lj than I would doing stuff for class. It feels like a better use of my time.

Which is really kind of disturbing, because you know...lj's free.



P.S. I don't know if anyone knows it, but my spelling's really not that great. It used to be a lot worse, but since I spend so much time writing - and besides lj, I write A LOT - I think I've mostly memorized/automated the acceptable spelling of about 60% of my vocabulary now. (Really rough guess.) But I still spellcheck every post and comment, and use dictionary.com a lot.

Thank god dictionary.com recognized "anyrysm" as an attempt at "aneurysm," or I might still be googling through medical sites trying to find it.

Comments

[yakkette.livejournal.com]

To be honest, as a white girl, I'm not really sure of what my role in anti-racism activism should be either. I've joiend some anti-racism communities, but held of on others since they seemed to be more geared towards POC. I don't want to self-seggreate but I also don't want to bust in there and be "HI I'm your special white anti-racist friend here to help you!" and I also don't want to be "Hi, Im just going to quietly observe you so you can teach me how not to be a fuckwit." But um, what are the options? It's a seriously confusing issue to me.

It's not like I don't hang around POC in real life, but generally it would be inappropriate of ME to constantly be creating discussions based around education and racism. And most of them aren't interested in race/oppression theory anyway. El Jay is where I get most of that stuff.

Also, yeah, that anti-porn thing was just all kinds of dumb. Have these people never heard of Sugar High Glitter City? Actually, probably not, becuase their perceptions on the World 'o Porn seem to be based on extremes of what the worst of porn is, as opposed to the reality. Although based on that hedonistic, sexual description of gay life, I've totally decided to go be a gay man now. Yowza! Let me memo my gay male friends to find out where the 24 hour sex and drug buffet is.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

It's not like I don't hang around POC in real life, but generally it would be inappropriate of ME to constantly be creating discussions based around education and racism. And most of them aren't interested in race/oppression theory anyway. El Jay is where I get most of that stuff.

Yes, exactly. This is the biggest reason I get a little wound up when I see POC say something like, "Go talk to a POC in your life who's willing to educate you!" Um...? They shouldn't have to, and I have no way of telling if they really want to talk about it, or if they're just blowing smoke up my ass. (And going home and getting on online to tell people, "God, Dan thinks I'm his 'black friend!'") I mean, I understand the tension of not wanting to be observed like a science experiment, but I guess I always figured that at least people are more direct online. "I don't like you being here. Go the hell away."

And then I'm like...well, I can't demand someone else tell me what to do. It feels like I'm uselessly tripping over myself, getting tense over that.

Although based on that hedonistic, sexual description of gay life, I've totally decided to go be a gay man now. Yowza! Let me memo my gay male friends to find out where the 24 hour sex and drug buffet is.

Really! I want in on the action, too.

Oh, geez...

[i-dreamed-i-was.livejournal.com]

I missed that in APR. Just commented.

Still not sure why ya don't join APR! You're plenty "AP."

I understand your leaving SNR, although I didn't perceive you to be contributing to the problem-- but then, that's me, and I'm white. If you thought you should leave, then that was probably the best decision... If you look at what coniraya was saying, she was discussing specific attitudes which I don't think you hold. At the same time, I see where you were concerned that your responses were unlike, say, chreebomb's, perhaps feeling that this indicated some deeper issue you are dealing with. And that I understand... I plan on doing a little more listening and less talking myself, as I need to constantly remind myself...

And the anti-porn stuff... *smh*

I have to admit that I'm on the fence, so to speak, when it comes to aspects of porn. But those arguments! Patriarchy doesn't affect gay porn? Wha...? Next you'll be telling me racism doesn't affect white people.

Uh... Speaking of which? The racism in gay porn? Don't get me started. But I guess that's okay-- sexier, even. *eyeroll*

Re: Oh, geez...

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Heh. But see, the thing here is that you know me better...so you might see more behind my comments than is immediately apparent to other people. And their perceptions are valid, too... I know you've dealt with that, so you know what I'm saying.

And you know I agreed with chreebomb's assessment totally; it was brilliant, really. Nothing she said puzzles me, since I basically understood it, but she was also taking a step back that I was not. (Actually, that's a real communication weakness of mine that shows up in nearly every community I participate in, but that's another thing.) I'm still trying to resolve my frustration in feeling like there IS no "lesser evil" since the principle of "do the least harm" always demands choosing the path of least evil...

Oh, and I have some meanness for the (very few) people I felt were dodging the whole education issue that's been brought up, since I don't think there's anyone there who isn't there at least partially to educate themselves, and I'm questioning the idea of being an Advanced Enough Whitey that now edumating yerself in a POC-centered community is totally different now... But that's a little immature of me. :P

Uh... Speaking of which? The racism in gay porn? Don't get me started. But I guess that's okay-- sexier, even. *eyeroll*

That actually made me LOL. What a mess!

Yeah...

[i-dreamed-i-was.livejournal.com]

I dunno. :/ This whole ally thing is very intuitive and full of missteps and we're all half-blind, yanno? And "half-blind" is me being generous. I don't have the answers, either.

As for mainstream gay porn... Well, you know I am always looking for someone who looks like D! He's not in straight porn, and he's not in gay porn either, 'cause all of the Asian guys in gay porn look like... well... androgynous 12-year-olds.

Wonder why.