beandelphiki

Someone on my friends list has found out that someone else they knew on lj died of cancer recently. (It's a friends-locked post, so please forgive the vagueness.) Person A evidently had a falling-out with Person B sometime back, and now Person A is reflecting on how they regret not trying to patch things up.

So they posed this question to their friends list:

If _______________ died today, the one thing I would most regret is ___________________.

Right now, the only person I can think of is

robkaiote. Quite a while back, he took me off his friends list very abruptly. It could be that he was simply sick of me, but given the timing of that particular removal, I'm inclined to believe that I angered/insulted/hurt him.

That's a real shame - for me, not for him. I was 17 at the time, and I'm 21 now, and that loss gets more and more significant as the years go by. At the time, I was upset beyond words because of what he meant to me, but I still treated it much like any other friends-list drop, but with more drama.

I'm 21 now, and bits and pieces of his philosophy and wisdom are still with me, still operating in me on a daily basis. I'll probably remember and apply those things for the rest of my life, and I can't say that too many other people on my friends list have done that.

I remember that prior to his removing me, we were having some tension. I was annoyed with him for saying things that I was not in any way ready to hear. I'd still disagree with some of what he said then, but my own personal issues with my own gender and sexuality are less in the way of that now. I'm sorry I wasn't ready to listen to someone so much wiser.

All in all, the loss of his friendship gets more and more significant just because I'm realizing more and more each year how much he could have taught me, and what I missed out on by being a pissant.

So I guess if

robkaiote died today, the thing I would most regret is not having apologized. It's purely selfish of me to wish he was still around, but I'd really like him to know that I'm sorry if I ever upset him.

That's all.