"We switched your host body at the last minute, so sorry for the error..."

My bob. I've just checked the details in my userinfo to see how long ago I lasted posted, and it was THREE DAYS AGO. I'm pretty sure I've not gone more than a day and a half without posting before, so this is a new record. And amazingly, I feel like I STILL have nothing to say. Danny, speechless? How'd THAT happen?

Maybe it's because I'm taking the unbearably boring summer computer course, but the last couple of days I've felt this intense desire to be AWAY from anything with a keyboard. I've also noticed a weird aversion to lj - weird because normally you can't drag me from it. Hmm.

Today my mom took me shopping for some summer T-shirts, and I got one of those shiney sports shirts all the guys are wearing. This is a guilty pleasure because it's very easy to see my binder through it, so I'll have to be very careful - but I refuse to take it back, I've wanted a shirt like that FOREVER. I also got a shirt that I'm sure a lot of people here would agree is perfect for an FTM to wear - it says, "If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito!"

Heh heh heh.

I don't know how I feel how I feel about calling myself transsexual. It doesn't seem like I'm transsexual. I don't feel like I'm in between a boy and a girl. I'm a boy. I believe I should have been born a boy, in a way that kids believe in Santa Claus - blind faith. There is probably no evidence for this, but I am convinced - convinced - that there is. That my genes must be XY or SOMETHING must show up.

Because I'm different. Or I seem to be. Bob, I can't articulate this. But I see no difference between me and bio boys except my "parts." NONE. I just keep feeling like "intersexed" might describe me better, but I don't feel a legit claim to that label when my body is unequivocally female.

I can't explain it tonight, and my dad is agitating to get on the computer, so I give up for now.