Powers of perception
Aug. 20th, 2004 03:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beandelphikiRecently, I've been considering some things I've been told about myself. Specifically, about how perceptive I am.
In my lifetime I've had many people, mostly adults, tell me that I'm pretty perceptive, or that I "get inside heads," or that I "read minds," or that I "see things other people don't." Or, in a few cases when I was younger, they just looked at me in amazement and said, "Yeah..." when I voiced some observations about people.
In sixth grade, my teacher sat me down and had a long, serious discussion with me about - I shit you not - using my "powers" for good. She compared my powers of perception to Superman's strength, and pointed out how Superman must not allow himself to cause lasting harm to anyone, even if he gets angry. She told me that it was much the same thing - I have the ability to sense someone's weakest points, but I should take care not to let anger get the better of me and cause them lasting pain by attacking said weak points.
It all sounds so corny, but I believe that conversation did me a lot of good. In the following years, I found out just how hard to can be to be a "Superman" and be obligated to keep the things you know to yourself. Especially when someone is not being so careful of your feelings, it seems so easy to hit them where it really hurts - but I began to think of myself as grass, bending with the wind. When the wind stops blowing, and re-evaluates the direction it is traveling in, the grass still stands, and watches the wind.
So...
I've generally gotten the idea that I am, if not exactly a seer, at least relatively astute.
The problem is that this does not jibe with the way I frequently deal with people. Online, sometimes people ask me specifically for advice, but I can't recall that ever happening in real life.
I do not have that "healer's touch" and I am not the one who is good at comforting someone in times of upset. Most often when someone I know is down, I've been left sitting off on the sidelines, having offered up the obligatory, "Dude, I hope you feel better soon," and watching someone who has people skills I do not have say things I could never think of saying, and saying them with more honest compassion than I could ever muster.
At those times, I just feel hopelessly inadequate, and I just sit off to the side, and wonder why I'm such a useless friend when the going gets rough. If I am as preceptive as adults told me I am when I was a child, why am I unable to find the words or gestures that would make someone feel better?
Today, out of the blue, it came to me - "like a bolt of lightening," as they say when they can't think of anything better to say. My ability to read people isn't "on" at those times...
...because the situation is not complex enough.
It's true, I'm not especially compassionate in those day-to-day situations. I'll never be a counselor; I'll never have a talent for making most people feel better.
I don't view people with problems as people to help. I view people with problems as puzzles to solve. I realize that sounds rather cold...but there it is. Emotional tangles are puzzles, and they have to be complex to engage me.
"I'm sad because my boyfriend dumped me," is simply not complex enough. I really only start to look at people's problems with any real interest when there's a whole lifetime of emotional knots to feel my way through and untangle. That intrigues me. Anything less is...well...boring.
Yeah, cold. But...it's me. It fits. And the fact that I am both perceptive about people and NOT a "healer" person are finally reconcilable.
In my lifetime I've had many people, mostly adults, tell me that I'm pretty perceptive, or that I "get inside heads," or that I "read minds," or that I "see things other people don't." Or, in a few cases when I was younger, they just looked at me in amazement and said, "Yeah..." when I voiced some observations about people.
In sixth grade, my teacher sat me down and had a long, serious discussion with me about - I shit you not - using my "powers" for good. She compared my powers of perception to Superman's strength, and pointed out how Superman must not allow himself to cause lasting harm to anyone, even if he gets angry. She told me that it was much the same thing - I have the ability to sense someone's weakest points, but I should take care not to let anger get the better of me and cause them lasting pain by attacking said weak points.
It all sounds so corny, but I believe that conversation did me a lot of good. In the following years, I found out just how hard to can be to be a "Superman" and be obligated to keep the things you know to yourself. Especially when someone is not being so careful of your feelings, it seems so easy to hit them where it really hurts - but I began to think of myself as grass, bending with the wind. When the wind stops blowing, and re-evaluates the direction it is traveling in, the grass still stands, and watches the wind.
So...
I've generally gotten the idea that I am, if not exactly a seer, at least relatively astute.
The problem is that this does not jibe with the way I frequently deal with people. Online, sometimes people ask me specifically for advice, but I can't recall that ever happening in real life.
I do not have that "healer's touch" and I am not the one who is good at comforting someone in times of upset. Most often when someone I know is down, I've been left sitting off on the sidelines, having offered up the obligatory, "Dude, I hope you feel better soon," and watching someone who has people skills I do not have say things I could never think of saying, and saying them with more honest compassion than I could ever muster.
At those times, I just feel hopelessly inadequate, and I just sit off to the side, and wonder why I'm such a useless friend when the going gets rough. If I am as preceptive as adults told me I am when I was a child, why am I unable to find the words or gestures that would make someone feel better?
Today, out of the blue, it came to me - "like a bolt of lightening," as they say when they can't think of anything better to say. My ability to read people isn't "on" at those times...
...because the situation is not complex enough.
It's true, I'm not especially compassionate in those day-to-day situations. I'll never be a counselor; I'll never have a talent for making most people feel better.
I don't view people with problems as people to help. I view people with problems as puzzles to solve. I realize that sounds rather cold...but there it is. Emotional tangles are puzzles, and they have to be complex to engage me.
"I'm sad because my boyfriend dumped me," is simply not complex enough. I really only start to look at people's problems with any real interest when there's a whole lifetime of emotional knots to feel my way through and untangle. That intrigues me. Anything less is...well...boring.
Yeah, cold. But...it's me. It fits. And the fact that I am both perceptive about people and NOT a "healer" person are finally reconcilable.
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Dr. Dan
Date: 2004-08-21 08:18 pm (UTC)Don't worry about being useless in a "healing touch" sort of situation I think alot of times most of us feel usless. What's most important is that what you give off is scincerity and genuine compassion which is what I always get from you :) I mean we're not all Dr.Phils and Dr. Lauras THANK YOU GOD! (please do not contemplate a world in which this where true it may put you into many years of expencive therapy)
Re: Dr. Dan
Date: 2004-08-21 08:19 pm (UTC)Re: Dr. Dan
Date: 2004-08-23 10:54 am (UTC)*hugs*
Re: Dr. Dan
Date: 2004-08-23 10:56 am (UTC)What's most important is that what you give off is scincerity and genuine compassion which is what I always get from you :)
:)
And if I contemplate a world of "Dr. Phil"s and "Dr. Laura"s, I'll need more than therapy, I'll need a straitjacket!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-08-24 06:49 am (UTC)The question becomes, then: now that you know some of the boundaries and limitations of your powers, how can you continue the quest to use them only for good?