Bathroom/trans stuff

[beandelphiki]

Over the past several weeks, I've gradually gotten the sense that my use of the men's washroom is not going totally unnoticed, that some people are reading me as female and think it's odd. I've been trying to reassure myself that this is a touch of paranoia, and while it's to be expected in my situation (in fact, is necessary), it's really my imagination. I'm not so sure anymore.

Last week was my first week back to school after the exam break, and while I was coming out of the washroom just off the cafeteria one day last week, I ran into Chinook's security guard going in.

He's always in the school; I must see him 3 or 4 times a day in the halls. If I'd been lucky, maybe I would never have talked to him. But unfortunately for me, he came across me one day standing by the coffee machine trying to wipe spilled french vanilla coffee off the front. I'd been pulling my drink out, and it caught and spilled coffee all over the floor, the machine, and up my arm. Naturally, that hurt. You know it's going to hurt a lot from the signs on the machine. ("Caution! Coffee is heated to a zillion degrees Fahrenheit! Will burn if it melts the cup!") I was squeaking in pain. Like my voice isn't high enough as it is, right?

I keep thinking he would have mentally brushed off my presence in the men's if it hadn't been for that day, but I'm probably kidding myself. I'm in a school full of adults getting their high school courses - most people here are well into their twenties. With an age range like that, it's not surprising I stand out. I look like I should be going into my freshman year of high school, and that's trying to present as female, yet.

I don't look like a boy, let's face it. I look like a dyke.

So I came out of the bathroom, and he went in, and as he did, he did a triple take. I got the hell out of there before he could ask me any questions. Eating my lunch a little later, I kept trying to convince myself that it was funny. Did you see his face, haha. But it really wasn't funny at all.

I've been trying to avoid him ever since, but yesterday he chased me up a flight of stairs and said, "Are you aware that you've been using the men's washroom?" Uh, no. The urinals didn't tip me off, or anything.

(God, it reminds me of when I used to use the women's, and I would have women informing me while I was in there that I was in the women's, hellointhere. No! You don't say! It's as if these people think that my inability to present an obvious gender somehow confers an inability to tell one sex from the other. Or an inability to read signs.)

I nodded at Mr. Security, and he said something like, "Okay, just checking," but I don't feel the slightest bit better. I went through my wallet last night, taking out my Alberta ID card and stuffing it behind everything else. If he asks, I have my Chinook ID, with my male name on it, and no damning "Gender: F" on it.

I certainly can't go back to the women's after two years of pissing in the guy's, but god, now I don't feel okay going to the bathroom anywhere.

Why can't people mind their own damn business?

Comments

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

omg thats terrible... you can almost hear the rusty wheels turning in this guys head. Maybe since he was "just checking.." that means partly that he was checking if you're a guy or not, and now that he did, he'll be "okay" with it. *crosses fingers*

Are there any neutral bathrooms you can find>?

I've seen your pics... I dont think you look like a dyke.

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

p.s. don't forget: "guy" is at least 60% attitude. Don't let this guy shake you. Keep your confidence and just act as if you have every right to be where you are and go where you will, because you do.
*hugs*

Re:

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

*smiles*

I know you were upset tonight...so I hope it doesn't make you mad if I reply to this.

I couldn't sleep, and I came back down and got on lj, and I saw this when I logged on and checked my journal. Just...thanks, because it made my night. I DO have every right to go where I will, and I can't believe I let this guy make me forget that.

*hugs*

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

well, now you've gone and returned the favor, because this just made *my* night. :)
*hugs*
*love*
me

[pixiemoon.livejournal.com]

because people are black and white, they think things are one way or another and when they see someone deviate from what they coceive as the norm, they get all frustrated and uncomfortable.

They want to stick things back into the lil boxes that are neatly catagorized in order to understand them better.

Because lets face it, humans are afraid of what they don't understand.

and while there are plenty of people out there who try very hard to understand (myself included) the only people who really do know what you are going through are other people like you who are going through the same or very similar things.

I try to imagine that Gender if fluid and all manfestations of gender are just one gender with variations.

but I still label things as masucline or feminine (actually I say penisy or vaginaish heh) but anyways I still label things as musculine or feminine as characteristics even though I recognize that things aren't always that way.

The point of this ramble is that I try to understand and there are plenty of people out there who do.

to the rest of them, fuck them, they are just too scared to try to understand anything that goes outside what they were taught.

you are a really amazing person and I think you are brave for doing things the way you want to do them instead of conforming to make everyone else feel comfortable.

I'm proud of you and I"m proud to know you. so there.

keep up the good work, gold star, a+ and so on and so forth.


*hugs*

Re:

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I try to imagine that Gender if fluid and all manfestations of gender are just one gender with variations.

That's a very interesting idea, and I never thought of it that way. Hmm. I'll have to think about it.

Anyway, thank you so much.

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[pixiemoon.livejournal.com]

I try to think of it that way but like i said my mind still does t he extrems of masculine versus femine so even though I'mt rying to be very progressive in my thinking I am still hindered by societies teaches about gender.

yeah. I think it would be awesome if we could all break free from that... I know I get upset with my level of femininty most of the time.

but anyways...

yeah no problem. i calls em likes I see's em.

<3

[aerindipity.livejournal.com]

I've always thought the bathroom situation in Western culture is pretty silly in itself. If they would just put urinals in stalls, then why would we need two separate bathrooms at all? It seems like we're wasting a lot of money and space on an irrational insistence on gender segregation.

Anyway, the guy's an ass, and people should mind their own business. :-/

Re:

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we need the trannie dream of the "I don't care who I pee next to" bathroom.

And thanks. I feel much better about the whole thing.

[kitanaor.livejournal.com]

Reading this reminds me of something Rupaul recently observed, in "WHAT DOGS CAN HEAR".

"no matter how many times i say that i don’t define myself by my sexuality, my color, the car i drive or the clothes i wear, people can’t resist wanting to put me in a compartment that serves to justify their own doctrine. i think these people are subconsciously afraid to acknowledge my multiplicity because it would force them to examine their own, which is usually hidden underneath their religion, politics or bling. before you can begin to understand someone, you must first love them, which is too daunting an idea for most."

Re:

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Wow, I had no idea that Rupaul had a blog. Thanks for that.