The societal ideal of sap

[beandelphiki]

Codependency is an ideal that teenagers have. It's the basis for most romance novels, most sappy chick-flick movies, and most love poems and love songs. But the idea that someone has to be your everything - that's kind of pathological, wouldn't you say? On second thought, strike the "kind of." That is pathological. It's also a great way to ruin relationships and friendships of all kinds.

-griffen


Now, given that I've always held to the idea(s) that I will never need someone, that any relationship I'm in must leave me s p a c e, or it's not healthy for me, that there's no such thing as true love and that I might be better off alone...

...why does this disturb me so?

We're brainwashed from a very early age with the idea that LOVE - by that, I mean romantic love - is the most important human emotion, and experiencing it is the height of human experience. The hell? Everyone feels "romantic love," it's commonplace, so why is it put up on a pedestal? Aren't there other things we might throw up there, like, "truly unique experiences" instead?

At least, that's my reasoning, but I was still bothered by what Griff said. It's rather disturbing to see how deep conditioning goes.

Comments

[dirk7.livejournal.com]

Hmm.. two people that each feel that their life is better from having the other person in it.

There's of course many levels of that... you can go obsessive and never leave them alone and drive them away. Like all things it is best in moderation. Love should be the bring together of two lives that work together, NOT bringing together two lives and making ONE without seperation.

I'd also argue with that "everyone feels" part but.. it's too late already sleep time.

Anyways.. that's just my opinion, from my experience and observation.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid to say anything in response to this for fear of offending Griffen.

...

um...

in some ways, and in some definitions...
I think that makes me codependant.

Oh, and quick Pulp Fiction Quote: Man, I don't even have an opinion. - Marvin, shortly before being shot in the face.

[richandme.livejournal.com]

"Love" might be conditioned into us in the current state of society to be the 'height of human experience' because for a fair amount of people, I think it will be.

Experience is there to make us grow as people, spiritually, mentally, whatever. I sometimes don't think some people get very far past the hurdle that is learning to live with another person amicably. Romantic love is a great way of forcing someone to learn to do that, being that you feel compelled to keep someone else happy. A lot of people treat other people like shit.

Then again, maybe I just have a very down view on the whole "people" concept today. I am personally still dealing with someone whose idea of a wonderful relationship was total emotional codependency maintained by emotional blackmail (mutual, eventually. to my disgust at myself.), who wanted me to teach him how to not be an insecure wreck.

[looks at what he's written] I am very down on people at the moment! Incidentally, I got here through griffen's journal.

- Rich