There is no spoon
May. 30th, 2003 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beandelphikiNicole called me this morning and convinced me to come out and play softball. Now I actually have to get out of bed and go somewhere.
Mmmph.
*shoves head back under pillow*
I suppose I agreed because without contact, it's so easy to just let your friends slip away. I was thinking of this sometime yesterday.
When I was in 6th grade, I had these two best friends, Kirsten and Jessica. Before that, almost all my best friends had been boys, so that was kind of a novelty. We had this whole "secret club" thing going on where we made up secret hand signals. And we called ourselves "DJK" for our names. There was some fighting over whose initial went first, but it wasn't too much arguing. It was going to be mine from the start, anyway. No particular reason why I was the unofficial leader; maybe it was because I was the oldest (over Kirsten by one year, and Jessica by two) or maybe it was because I was the glue of the group.
We had these shoes. All three of us bought snow-white Reeboks so we could draw on them when our class sat in a big group on the floor for stories and lessons. We drew lots of little cartoon faces, and we wrote "DJK FOREVER!" on them. We believed we would be friends forever; and we talked about how, when we were little old grannies in rocking chairs, we'd still be spending the time talking about how great things had been.
Then I had to go to Junior High. It was a teary farewell, since Kirsten and Jessica would still be back in elementary school the next year. Jessica, in her platonic devotion to me, even let me kiss her pretty hair goodbye without flinching, although she commented it was "gross" for me to kiss her.
One day only a few months later, Jessica called me. She'd never dared to call me at home before. She told me, "Kirsten and I had a big fight. I guess DJK is over." Then she hung up.
I was struck dumb, but I shouldn't have been surprised. Jessica was a sensitive, quiet little girl, while Kirsten was loud and exuberant. Typically, Kirsten hurt Jessica's feelings often, by saying Jessica was a little wimp and laughing when she couldn't do something. I had always been the peacemaker. Now I realized that without my presence, there was nothing to hold these incompatible personalities together. And indeed, although I went to Kirsten's a few times after to play, I never saw Jessica again. And Kirsten never mentioned her. She had moved on. The only thing I had of Jessica was a painting she had done for me. I never even thought of trying to call her again. I accepted what I assumed was meant to be.
But I did still have those shoes. And childishly, I thought that in some small way, our friendship would continue to exist as long as I kept those shoes with the blue pen, "DJK FOREVER!" So I placed them in a spot of honour on the windowsill of my room, under the hot sun. Sometimes, I even dusted them.
Except for the dusting, I barely moved them, and I certainly saw no reason to turn them around. So imagine my shock one day years later when I lifted those shoes down...and discovered that the "DJK FOREVER!" had faded in the sun from it's former bright blue to a pale brown, barely visible in the reddish dust from the schoolyard.
Mmmph.
*shoves head back under pillow*
I suppose I agreed because without contact, it's so easy to just let your friends slip away. I was thinking of this sometime yesterday.
When I was in 6th grade, I had these two best friends, Kirsten and Jessica. Before that, almost all my best friends had been boys, so that was kind of a novelty. We had this whole "secret club" thing going on where we made up secret hand signals. And we called ourselves "DJK" for our names. There was some fighting over whose initial went first, but it wasn't too much arguing. It was going to be mine from the start, anyway. No particular reason why I was the unofficial leader; maybe it was because I was the oldest (over Kirsten by one year, and Jessica by two) or maybe it was because I was the glue of the group.
We had these shoes. All three of us bought snow-white Reeboks so we could draw on them when our class sat in a big group on the floor for stories and lessons. We drew lots of little cartoon faces, and we wrote "DJK FOREVER!" on them. We believed we would be friends forever; and we talked about how, when we were little old grannies in rocking chairs, we'd still be spending the time talking about how great things had been.
Then I had to go to Junior High. It was a teary farewell, since Kirsten and Jessica would still be back in elementary school the next year. Jessica, in her platonic devotion to me, even let me kiss her pretty hair goodbye without flinching, although she commented it was "gross" for me to kiss her.
One day only a few months later, Jessica called me. She'd never dared to call me at home before. She told me, "Kirsten and I had a big fight. I guess DJK is over." Then she hung up.
I was struck dumb, but I shouldn't have been surprised. Jessica was a sensitive, quiet little girl, while Kirsten was loud and exuberant. Typically, Kirsten hurt Jessica's feelings often, by saying Jessica was a little wimp and laughing when she couldn't do something. I had always been the peacemaker. Now I realized that without my presence, there was nothing to hold these incompatible personalities together. And indeed, although I went to Kirsten's a few times after to play, I never saw Jessica again. And Kirsten never mentioned her. She had moved on. The only thing I had of Jessica was a painting she had done for me. I never even thought of trying to call her again. I accepted what I assumed was meant to be.
But I did still have those shoes. And childishly, I thought that in some small way, our friendship would continue to exist as long as I kept those shoes with the blue pen, "DJK FOREVER!" So I placed them in a spot of honour on the windowsill of my room, under the hot sun. Sometimes, I even dusted them.
Except for the dusting, I barely moved them, and I certainly saw no reason to turn them around. So imagine my shock one day years later when I lifted those shoes down...and discovered that the "DJK FOREVER!" had faded in the sun from it's former bright blue to a pale brown, barely visible in the reddish dust from the schoolyard.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-30 11:50 am (UTC)Awww...
(makes me think of Woody in Toy Story 2 when 'Andy' is faded on his shoe...erm, don't mind me)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-31 11:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-30 03:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-30 07:31 pm (UTC)My vastly intelligent answer
Date: 2003-05-30 07:40 pm (UTC)My vastly intelligent reply to your answer
Date: 2003-05-30 07:53 pm (UTC)Re: My vastly intelligent reply to your answer
Date: 2003-05-30 08:34 pm (UTC)D
Date: 2003-06-01 06:09 am (UTC)very stunning story... stunning and sad.
but I've found that relationships later in life are on a different level. I know it's hard not to draw parallels today with things that happenned years ago... (believe me, I know) but sometimes the images that we draw from the past do us more of a disservice than anything.
Case in point: me.
I shouldn't have responded to you as I did. I heaped things upon you which were never yours. For some reason... the concept of physical violence, which, now that I look at it again was really just a figure of speech that is very common... but that concept just landed on me at the wrong time and in the wrong way.
Maybe we can talk about this some time, if you want.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-01 07:56 pm (UTC)I might not be home until late... not sure, really