It's like a whirlwind inside of my head...
Apr. 4th, 2003 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beandelphikiSo I went looking for some "SOs of Borderlines" kinda thing.
I found this site.
And I was looking at this article. (I was just kinda clicking around, as nothing was jumping out at me as particularly helpful.)
I think I maybe got a third of the way into it. It's hard to tell, since I didn't finish. Maybe a fourth? I got to here:
What is wrong with the world? Why can't they see my pain? Don't they know how incredibly much I hurt? Can't they see that I need them to hold some of this pain for me, validate it, and take it away; for my soul runneth over with agony. Why should I have to bear my own agony? It is not my fault...
I stopped reading because I couldn't handle it anymore. I don't know what happened... One second I was just reading, and then the next I was shaking and about (>.<) this close to jumping up and screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" at the computer and putting my hands over my ears as if that would help, and running to find a wall to maybe throw myself against bodily or something, and the only reason I didn't is because everyone would have seen that and that would be bad, so I didn't, because then people would think I was nuts, and they'd probably call security, and people might see my journal, and that would also be bad, so I didn't.
What...was that? I'm still shaking.
I found this site.
And I was looking at this article. (I was just kinda clicking around, as nothing was jumping out at me as particularly helpful.)
I think I maybe got a third of the way into it. It's hard to tell, since I didn't finish. Maybe a fourth? I got to here:
What is wrong with the world? Why can't they see my pain? Don't they know how incredibly much I hurt? Can't they see that I need them to hold some of this pain for me, validate it, and take it away; for my soul runneth over with agony. Why should I have to bear my own agony? It is not my fault...
I stopped reading because I couldn't handle it anymore. I don't know what happened... One second I was just reading, and then the next I was shaking and about (>.<) this close to jumping up and screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" at the computer and putting my hands over my ears as if that would help, and running to find a wall to maybe throw myself against bodily or something, and the only reason I didn't is because everyone would have seen that and that would be bad, so I didn't, because then people would think I was nuts, and they'd probably call security, and people might see my journal, and that would also be bad, so I didn't.
What...was that? I'm still shaking.
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((((((Dan))))))
Date: 2003-04-04 03:33 pm (UTC)Haven't read the articles yet, will do that when I'm caught up on LJ. Just thought you could use hugs sooner rather than later. Maybe both. Um, I hope your day gets better. *hugs*
Love,
Ann Marie
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-04 06:46 pm (UTC)That... is a mirror... and a particularly acute one at that. And mirrors can surprise you... if you run into one unexpectedly... they can shatter into daggers that all but kill you.
*hugs* I'm so sorry... I feel responsible that you were only looking for things to help understand me... and ended up running into this. I'm really sorry... I know you don't blame me.. but still.. *hugs* *holds you*
You don't have to look at the rest of the article... it is just as intense... just as sharp. It really spoke to me, too. It is incredible.
*hugs*
I wish there was more I could do to help you to feel better...
just...
<3
...
I love you.
I love you.
*holds on*