General Ranting

[beandelphiki]

Only three more shows and then strike, then reading break.

Only three more shows and then strike, then reading break.

Only three more shows and then strike, then reading break.

Today's mantra.

My SM project is totally going down the drain. It's 20% of my mark. I really barely care. I hate PowerPoint, I hate oral presentations, I hate group work and I hate phoning people. Plus I'm on running crew. I get home late every night. Bite me. I am not the kind of person who leaves other group members hanging during a project, but nobody else is busting their ass either.

I have an exam tomorrow morning. Also worth 20%. *should be studying*

I hate this program. I'm so sick of it. There's barely anyone I know who feels differently. I don't know what to do - they don't like me and I'm afraid I'll never be able to show them I'm worth anything. Ken warned me that if someone in theatre doesn't like you, they're never going to like you, and funny business, ain't it? I'd call it a cutthroat business, really...

I got an X beside my name on the sign-in sheet today for the show. Um, what? I was 5 minutes early, according to my watch. (Actually 10, but I add 5 automatically to cover other people's watches.) Two members of our crew don't even bother to sign in all first week, and they get to fill in the blanks later, but I'm not half an hour early, so I'm LATE? *fume*

David and I are fighting. It's rather bitter. Obviously, telling him about Frank was a mistake. He keeps telling me to listen to him, because he's the "voice of reason." *massages temples* This from the guy whose big game plan to get laid is to pump some straight dude full of alcohol and seduce him. No explanation of polyamory is satisfactory. It's just wrong, you see. I told him to take his restrictive morality and fuck off. We've basically agreed not to mention the subject to each other again.

He said that he's sorry, but he doesn't approve of my lifestyle.

A gay guy told me he doesn't approve of my lifestyle.

Irony abounds.

Comments

[loveberry.livejournal.com]

*wince* I can so relate on the school thing. It sucks when someone judges you and doesn't give you a chance to show what you can do. :(

How much longer do you have left? I am feeling that "oh 20% of my grade who the hell cares anyway" thing and I am a junior.

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I'm in my first year of college. It's only a two year program, though, so I have one year left.

Hello!

[loveberry.livejournal.com]

Hi! Sorry I didn't introduce myself. I'm Jessica, wandered over from Haleth's page. *shakes hands*

Grats on being halfway there!! :D

[griffen.livejournal.com]

*hugs,* first.

Second... it's sad, but even those of us who are not part of the mainstream in one way can be very uptight and very much part of the mainstream in another (witness the Log Cabin Republicans, or the people who practice "Christian BDSM"). David is also probably bitter because you didn't want him in the same way you want and love Frank, and so he's going to attack the thing that he sees as the reason that you wanted Frank and not him. Calling someting "immoral" or "wrong" is a standard tactic when people are feeling threatened.

To many monogamous persons, polyamory is seen as a threat. Since they don't understand how to love more than one person at the same time, they retreat into the belief that takes the least amount of thinking -- that since they can't do it, that means that nobody really can. There will always be people like David in the world, whether they're gay people who don't like poly people, poly people who don't like pagan people, or pagan people who don't like gay people.

That doesn't mean that you have to listen to what they say.

Sadly (and I also had to find this out the hard way) being part of one non-mainstream group doesn't mean that you're necessarily going to be open to the ways of another non-mainstream group too.

Now, all that said, I do know people who make a mono-poly pairing work. mhw and his partner Jus are a great example of that. I know a woman in San Diego whose partner is very monogamous, but who is herself poly. It can and does work. What it takes is commitment on the part of both partners to make it work.

I hope this ramble has been of some help to you.

*offers hugs, again*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, Griffen, for the effort you put into this response. It means a lot to me to have that kind of support. *hugs*

I think it will probably better from this point on - David and I have discussed it further in email, and he has admitted to me that he thinks his behaviour was irrational. He doesn't seem quite so strained about it.

I know that sometimes a member of a non-mainstream identity will do that - I just never expect it, and I never get it. I hope that if I run into something someday that I can't "get" I can at least be open to it.

*more thank-you hugs*

[griffen.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

Anytime, Dan. Anytime.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

OMG... *big huge hugs*

I'm so sorry you're having such a horrible time this week.

Don't listen to Ken. There are always people in the world, cynical people, who come up with these lovely catch phrases which are only true if you believe them. Self-fulfilling prophecy, y'know.

So, yes... if you give it that power, then that will be your reality, likely. OTOH, if you eschew him and his catchy "ear candy," then I think things will work out much better. Has happenned to me often enough that I believe this sincerely.

*shakes head at Ken*
*stern look at David*

I don't mind people having their opinions, but I do mind when they go around tearing other people down because of them. I'm sorry that this is causing friction between you and David (though I agree wholeheartedly with what griffen said about it.)

This might sound flippant, but I don't mean it to be: Why don't you give David my email, or vice versa? I have the time and energy to talk circles around him on this or any other issue... you don't (right now.) I'd be glad to do it. I know you probably won't, but I honestly believe that it would help take some of the pressure off of you on the one hand, and on the other, would at least give David another target for his frustrations.

Also, sometimes it helps a person to understand things when they realize that there is another living, breathing, intelligent person involved, rather than just a concept.

*big huge hugs*
*kisses* and
*love*

*holds you tight*
*crosses fingers for exams and for nasty group presentations*

I love you!!
me

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Heh. I suggested the email thing to him. He got a little...sulky at first, a little like a kid who knows they've done something they shouldn't, but felt entitled to anyway.

He said he's not interested in emailing with you. But he also said that he felt his behaviour thus far has been irrational. And he does seem...less tense about it, less strained around me.

I mean, he was nasty about it, but I'm sure he didn't mean to be. He told me he was up at night thinking about it...that's not what he would do if he was intentionally being nasty. It'll work itself out, I think.

Oh, but...he said that what I got to send you for Valentines is way too mushy for a guy whose name starts with an F and ends with a K. (I ignored that crack.) Are we concerned about mushiness? *looks at card he got in the mail* I mean, I didn't think so...

*kiss*

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

He got a little...sulky at first, a little like a kid who knows they've done something they shouldn't, but felt entitled to anyway.

You're so good at describing things...
*watches as if a movie*

*smooches*
*huggles you*

mushy?? um... that describes me in so many ways that it almost ceases to be funny...
*giggles*

*kiss*

Oh wait... Are we concerned about mushiness? *looks at card he got in the mail* I mean, I didn't think so...

Did I say something about not being mushy? If I did I didn't mean it like that. *can't remember what I wrote* *hopes it was good*

*has already sent a couple more e-cards*
*and the "final draft" of the letter*
*unless you think it's bad*
*will stop using these asterisks*

*after this*
*kisses you gently*

Love you!
me.

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

OH!
*bangs head on desk*

*huggles you*
*loves you*

OMG that card... I'm soooo sorry. I know it didn't say much of anything.. but I can explain, sort of. I bought it a long time ago. I mean... right after we sort of were just barely patching things up. I remember being very restrained when I got the card and feeling all fearful and stuff because lots of things were still up in the air. *kicks card* sorrrrry... I should have run back to the store or something but I've been all sick. :(

*loves you very very much with a big pink kitty and hearts all over it and big red cartoon letters and carebears huggling in the background and rabbits making doe-eyes at each other and airplanes spelling your name out across the sky with glitter*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

You didn't say much of anything??? Wha??

Cutest moment of my night on Wednesday was opening that card to find..."Hey...you're right...it IS hard to find something to write in these things." Followed by an essay.

*loves you very very much with a big pink kitty and hearts all over it and big red cartoon letters and carebears huggling in the background and rabbits making doe-eyes at each other and airplanes spelling your name out across the sky with glitter*

*koff*someonesbeenhangingaroundJohnnyalot*koff* ;)

*candy heart*

What I got for you is going to be late...I haven't been able to finish getting everything together because of running crew. *kicks show*

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

*koff*someonesbeenhangingaroundJohnnyalot*koff* ;)

ohmygodIthinkyou'reright;)
*kisses you*
*kisses your show*
*kisses your late card*
...

*kisses you again*
;)

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

Oh, one more little thing. Was just thinking... I wrote and sent the card before you had talked about this with your mom... so I was trying to make it look very... stealth, if not nonchalant. *sad face* I should get you another one... *holds you* I'm sorry.. I just let my insecurities get the best of me sometimes...

*snoggles apologetically*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

STOP!!!

Hahahaha. You're too cute. :)

I did notice, in fact, that you only put your last name on the return address, and found that quite amusing. "Oooh...discreet!" ;) But that may have even been a good idea...not knowing how many hands that card passed through...

Secondly, the card itself...*shrugs* I can only assume you mean that it's a friends card. Well, so what? Aren't we friends? Like the pink and the hearts aren't message enough. :)

*holds you*
*gentle kiss*

Stop worrying about it. I loved it.

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

awwww... *melts*

with a big pink kitten and a cute white kitten sliding down a rainbow holding hands together

;)

Re:

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

Ooooh... um...
Do you think I'll get to meet David?

Probably not, huh, since it will be summer.

Will I get to go and see your school??

*hugs*

((((Dan))))

[haleth.livejournal.com]

I really don't have anything constructive to say, except: that sucks. Pretty much all of it... don't suppose there's anything I can do to be helpful? *hopes*

*hugs*
Love,
Haleth

Re: ((((Dan))))

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Everything works out...eventually. It's over, or it gets better, one of the two.

But the offer was sweet.

*big hugs*