Brain. TOTALLY. Corrupted.

[beandelphiki]

If you read fandom_secrets on anything approaching a regular basis, you know there are a lot of secrets posted about this web manga/anime thing(?) called, "Hetalia." Which seems to be about the world's nations...personified. I thought the concept was cute but odd, and basically ignored the secrets.

Yesterday, someone had a secret about wanting to get to know Canada/Canadians better, since they like Canada (named Matthew, or "Matty" in the series) a lot. This led to some discussion in the comments about why Canada is popular in the kink meme, and such.

I was curious enough to ask for a link to said kink meme. And then spent last night reading variations on pairings between Canada/Matthew, and either the U.K. (Arthur) or the U.S. (Alfred).

Some quick samples:

He wondered - and not for the first time either - why he had such a thing for Arthur with his stupid phrases and that whole chinless, aristocrat schtick he had going on. But Arthur was so thrilling - so honorable, with a touch of poesie and looking equally good in breeches or a suit. Or, Matthew gave a little whimper as he tugged at his semi-tumescent erection, nothing at all. Naked white as the cliffs of Dover. (From here.)


“Now I'm covered in chocolate!” said England, frowning up at Canada. Canada smirked back, a rare facial expression for him and it was a little unnerving to see it.

“I know.” Canada leant down and started licking and sucking at the cake and, more importantly, England's neck. England would've sighed if he hadn't been so distracted; he never had been able to get all the French out of Canada. (From here.)


And perhaps it was just his undependable sight, but from this new angle, Alfred seemed much younger, as if the cares and scars and damage of recent years had faded away to leave behind only the core of his brilliant soul. And like the sun, he was so beautiful, too beautiful, so much that it hurt to look at him for too long. Comme l'étoile filante. This must be how England felt, he could not help but think, with the guilty ache in his heart that always accompanied that name. No wonder, then, no wonder they were all going mad… (From here.)


“Are you against the war then?” Arthur asked, his chair creaking as he leaned forward to plant his elbows on his desk.

The young blond shook his head. “No, I do believe Germany has gone too far, but I will declare war on my own time, not yours.”

“When?” Alfred couldn’t keep the snap out of his voice. Unbelievable. He had a damned war on his hands and both Matthew and Alfred chose now to be uppity.

The man shrugged. “Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week. I don’t know.”

“Fine.” Arthur picked up a stack of reports. “I’m sure we’ll manage until you decide to grace us with your presence. It wasn’t like you were all that helpful in the Great War anyway.”

The sudden slam of Matthew’s hands onto his desk made Arthur start and look up at the Canadian who was leaning over the desk, his blue eyes flashing angrily.

His voice, however, was still calm. “Pardon my French, but that’s bullshit and you know it. You wouldn’t have held Yves without me. Who would have taken Passchendaele? Francis? I’m not even going to mention Vimy.” (From here.)

*DED*

Simply reading the lists of prompts is enough to inspire both shocked jawdrops and wild fits of giggling. For example:

Japan/N.Italy, schoolgirl outfit

S.Italy/N.Italy, awkward but sweet unification

Spain/S.Italy, foodsex [unfilled!]

And then this, which I think is about the ULTIMATE:

UK/America, teabagging

I MEAN. THE LULZ. I CAN'T EVEN.

(...I just had to tell SOMEBODY about that.)


Aside from the numerous lulz, I think I just got quite seriously sucked in - and I haven't actually even seen this series. Granted, I was a bit woozy from lack of sleep last night, but I spent some serious time arguing the finer points of Canada/U.K. with myself. I think the argument went something like, "Arthur would top," [as much as it pains my sense of national pride to say so], "usually, but Matty has a young, rebellious streak that would balance Arthur's stuffiness rather nicely." Or something like that. And of course, they're both a little knocked for a loop by Alfred - loud, obnoxious, annoying and pretty self-absorbed...but brilliant and beautiful despite all his flaws.

Also, I now have this weird desire to re-learn all the French I used to know when my family lived in Montreal. I lost it when we moved, and I've NEVER had the desire to re-learn it before, but I've downloaded a bunch of French language mp3s to my player now. (It's a little freaky to me how easily some of it is actually coming back.)

I think...I think I might have officially lost it.

I mean, I'm shipping NATIONS now. Personified, but still. I ship Canada/U.K.

SEND HELP.