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beandelphikiI got sick. This would be the reason I haven't posted anything yet - I had the GREAT fortune to get ill the night I got off work for my two-day break.
Today, I'm taking a day off work for illness, and plan to go back tomorrow. Of course, I don't really want to go back to work, but that's an understatement. I'm dreading going back to work.
I have a real talent for making illness-related absences stretch and stretch. I do this because when I think about going back to school or work, the dread consumes me. I almost literally make myself sick again at the thought of going back.
What's weird about this is that, when I'm in the midst of attending school or going to work when I'm well, I don't dread it at all. Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'd rather be at home with a good book, but I don't dread it.
Someone in the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
adults_add community mentioned the same problem a while back, and had it suggested to them that what is wrong is not the idea of going back to work you don't mind - it's the breaking of routines. I nodded my head along with this, but it didn't much sink in, until I was thinking about it today.
In my brain, anything that does not "have" to be done, will probably not be done, mainly because it takes so much mental and physical energy to muster the motivation. If there's a question in my mind as to whether it has to be done right now, it usually doesn't get done. When that decision has been made for me somehow - for example, if someone else is transporting me somewhere, so I don't have to make myself go - I have a much easier time going places and getting things done.
One way to have the decision made for me is to have something established as a routine. Getting up and going to school is generally not difficult, because it's a routine established by many long years of going to school every weekday. (Note that I didn't say getting there on time isn't difficult - just going in the first place. /*wry*)
But if I get sick, the routine is broken, and I'm completely knocked off balance. When do I have to go back? It's in question now, and going back will require me to muster the motivation to go. Which is hard. Hence the dread.
What I'm dreading is not actually school or work at all. And all along, I've been thinking it was!
That's okay. Now that I know what's going on, I can help things along somewhat - tonight I can prepare for tomorrow by packing all my stuff and preparing a lunch ahead of time, and basically streamlining things as much as possible.
Of course, I should really be doing that anyway - I wouldn't have such a problem with lateness or overspending if I did - but it's especially important when mending a broken routine, I think.
Just something to keep in mind. I think I'll be watching my reactions a little more closely from now on, to see if I'm blaming any anxiety on other factors that could actually be explained by the breaking of routines.
Today, I'm taking a day off work for illness, and plan to go back tomorrow. Of course, I don't really want to go back to work, but that's an understatement. I'm dreading going back to work.
I have a real talent for making illness-related absences stretch and stretch. I do this because when I think about going back to school or work, the dread consumes me. I almost literally make myself sick again at the thought of going back.
What's weird about this is that, when I'm in the midst of attending school or going to work when I'm well, I don't dread it at all. Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'd rather be at home with a good book, but I don't dread it.
Someone in the
adults_add community mentioned the same problem a while back, and had it suggested to them that what is wrong is not the idea of going back to work you don't mind - it's the breaking of routines. I nodded my head along with this, but it didn't much sink in, until I was thinking about it today.In my brain, anything that does not "have" to be done, will probably not be done, mainly because it takes so much mental and physical energy to muster the motivation. If there's a question in my mind as to whether it has to be done right now, it usually doesn't get done. When that decision has been made for me somehow - for example, if someone else is transporting me somewhere, so I don't have to make myself go - I have a much easier time going places and getting things done.
One way to have the decision made for me is to have something established as a routine. Getting up and going to school is generally not difficult, because it's a routine established by many long years of going to school every weekday. (Note that I didn't say getting there on time isn't difficult - just going in the first place. /*wry*)
But if I get sick, the routine is broken, and I'm completely knocked off balance. When do I have to go back? It's in question now, and going back will require me to muster the motivation to go. Which is hard. Hence the dread.
What I'm dreading is not actually school or work at all. And all along, I've been thinking it was!
That's okay. Now that I know what's going on, I can help things along somewhat - tonight I can prepare for tomorrow by packing all my stuff and preparing a lunch ahead of time, and basically streamlining things as much as possible.
Of course, I should really be doing that anyway - I wouldn't have such a problem with lateness or overspending if I did - but it's especially important when mending a broken routine, I think.
Just something to keep in mind. I think I'll be watching my reactions a little more closely from now on, to see if I'm blaming any anxiety on other factors that could actually be explained by the breaking of routines.