My future, and related woes

I've decided: I'm not going back to college next year.


Instead, I'll be working, and I'll be upgrading my high school math and science. (Pure Math 20, Chem 20 and Physics 20 first semester, and diploma classes second semester, so I'll be a full-time student.) I have to do it before I'm 20 if I want the government to finance it. Plus, if I go after any university education some time farther down the road, I'll probably need more academic maths and sciences than I do now.

I'm sending a letter to the theatre department to explain that I've run into "unexpected financial difficulty" so I am unable to return next year. (Partially true, but if I REALLY wanted to go next year, I think I might be able to swing it.) I'm going to ask for permission to return to my studies in technical theatre not next year, but the year after that.

And if I don't get permission? I don't care. I'm still not going back.

I don't even know if I'm going back two years from now (assuming I get permission.) I'm sort of hoping I'll make a solid decision on that one in the coming school year.

I just want to know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

Theatre has been my whole life since I was 11, and now I don't feel like I have it anymore. I feel so lost.

( Further thoughts on my future )