Well, dammit

[beandelphiki]

Grr.

I haven't been able to get on lj before 10:00 pm in days - it keeps timing out on me - and my little sister needed to be surgically removed from the keyboard.

I am SOO far behind on my friends list it isn't even funny. I'll never catch up with you guys.

*sulks*

Well, HEY! I found this cool link, anyway.

Comments

*d*

[siegeengine.livejournal.com]

hahaha... omg... xxxriotgrrlxxx rocks!!

[poopsmoothie.livejournal.com]

I love that icon, btw.

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

*stunned*

What did you do that for? I thought we've had worse fights than that.

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Actually, come to think of it, I hope that nothing I said definitly made you come to a decision that you had no intention of making before...because that would really be kinda silly. Who deletes their journal cuz someone got mad at something they said?

*shrug*

Re: *d*

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not vanishing... I'm regrouping...
I can't take this anymore...
I need to get away...
It's just that you are the only person on my friends list who yells at me on a regular basis. You yell at me and you mock me and you minimize what I say and call me names. No one else on my entire friends list does this, except adam did once, but we made up. I don't need this. I don't.

I mean, think about it... everything is happenning at once for me... I've had to deal with the entirety of buying this house, arranging for inspections, negotiating for repairs, I had my car hit and have had to make demands to my landlord for repairs, not to mention estimates, I've got loan people to call, realtors, insurance agents, inspectors, I've had to research loans, plumbing, repairs, legal issues, contracts, contractural obligations, finances, etc, etc, etc... my therapist is on vacation, you dumped me, my grandmother keeps sending me letters telling me to "get over" who I am... everything is happenning at once.

All I want is a safe space for me to go and find some peace, and be able to talk to people who will try to understand if they can and will try to be supportive. Right now, that's not you.

I don't know why, but you've been on me for weeks now, off and on. I can't take it okay? I can't. Stop yelling at me, and stop mocking me, and stop calling me names.

You never used to do all that.

-drama princess

Re: *d*

[(Anonymous)]

QED.
thanks for providing such a recent example.
I need some freaking air.

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

I honestly have no bloody idea what you meant by that. QED? To what?

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

*thinks* Okay.

I'm sorry everything is happening at once. No, I am.


And yes, I know I am the only person on your friends list that yells at you. I'm sorry about that, too, but... That's because you're not insignificant enough to me to let it go. Believe me, if I let it go every single time when I was peeved at you, it would mean I considered you a fairly pointless addition to my friends list. Just to clear that up. And I would never have sent in pissed!Harry for anyone but you - I don't find it worthwhile to get involved in other people's messes. I thought I'd mention that in case the reason you thought I was being a jerk was because I suddenly don't like you or something. *shrug*

The rest...

Yeah, I never used to do that. I never used to do that because we were together, and that means...I guess...a lot of things. It means that I buried it when you drove me nuts... It means I wanted to keep the peace. It means you bugged me less...and I suppose practically anyone, when they break up suddenly discover how much that person they were with really bugged them when they did various things. I imagine you've had similar realizations with me. (Case in point...)

About me mocking you and all that...I don't know if I know where you're coming from. Up until this point, I guess I've been saying you make me mad more often. But I'm not sure we've actually changed how much we fight. And I don't think I've treated you any differently. My style of attack in a fight is consistent, it's how I fight with everyone, and besides...things were going fine lately. I don't remember calling you names AT ALL. I don't know where you're getting this from.

Really, I could be wrong about my behaviour. But usually I know when I've been an ass, and when someone critizes me, I get angry because I know they're right.

I'm not angry right now, though. I'm just puzzled. I don't understand why you feel the way you do, I really don't.

And I think you still have no concept of why I was mad this afternoon. I think you think that...I asked a question, and you tried to provide a "reasonable" answer, and I flipped on you. I mean, that's why I think you must be mad, and it seemed to be what you were saying to me.

But I haven't been looking at it as a chain of events like that. All I see is that you insulted my friends behind their backs. And I attacked you in their defense. That's the only way I personally can interpret this afternoon. If you still can't understand why I was upset, then I don't know what to do...I thought you would see that it offended me to see my friends slammed that way, no matter how "harmless" you thought your comments were.

Re: *d*

[(Anonymous)]

ok... in that comment you implied that I was silly, thereby minimizing all of my feelings and writing off everything I said to useless silliness.
not a big thing, but still, I take that as an insult... just to explain.

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

WHAT? That's not what I meant at all!

I'll explain this in my next comment if I can get this piece of shit lj to post more than one comment tonight. But I don't want to write a long explanation and not be able to post it.

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Okay, when we were talking [fighting] on lj this afternoon, you said that you thought I posted that first "where are you?" comment because I thought you disappeared because of me...

Well, when I saw you'd deleted your journal, I thought that must be because of our fight, because it was so recent. But then I thought...that didn't make any sense. At the time, it didn't make sense to me. I thought we were kinda winding down and might straighten it out soon, and why would you delete your journal over a fight that was winding down after EVERYTHING you HAVEN'T deleted your journal for? And I didn't know you were under so much stress because you haven't posted anything.

So I thought that my initial reaction - thinking that it was because of our fight - was an overreaction on my part. And I wanted you to know that I don't ALWAYS assume everything revolves around me. Because that would be silly. Hence, my comment.

Re: *d*

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to work on this... work on seeing things from your side, as you said, but not tonight... just too tired. Give me a week or so... I'll be fine again.
*hugs*

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

Okay, but did you see my reply down below?

Re: *d*

[(Anonymous)]

ok ok I'll buy this... because it's too convoluted for me to make sense of right now... but this is really secondary to the first problem... it's not just that you didn't attack me while we were together, you didn't attack me before that, either. Only since we've broken up. So... seeing as how that was such a stressor, that just makes it harder to take...

gah. I gotta go now.
I'm fine.
I'll check in later.
don't worry about me.
Haleth knows where I am.

oh and the name thing comes from the actual break up, where I thought I was just expressing my thoughts on things, and you started calling me a drama princess and drama queen and all that, so I'm scared now to even protest anything you say to me, because I think you'll probably just write that off, too, and start calling me immature and all that. Oh, and please don't bring up the "battle bots" or whatever the hell that was... I already admitted that that was immature, but it amused me. both...

*going now*

Re: *d*

[beandelphiki.livejournal.com]

That's probably true (about the "before we were together" thing), but then, I also commented very rarely at that point.