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beandelphikiGrrr.
*A-HEM*
You know, I think the concept of a relationship without expectations is a fairy-tale. There's no such thing.
Think about it; every day you are in a relationship, you have expectations of SOME sort. You have expectations that there will be a kind word for you when you come home from school/work. There's expectations that there will be a sympathetic ear for your problems and frustrations.
You have expectations - and assumptions - about the depth of feeling directed toward you.
You have expectations about how long the relationship will last.
And you have expectations regarding a certain amount of continuity in the relationship.
Meaning, that if a person presents themself to you in a certain way and makes you think that they are a certain type of person, you expect them to remain that way. This is not to say that you don't expect change of some sort, because human beings are not static creatures. We all grow and change. No, this is an expectation that the person you are dating will not suddenly and unexpectedly become a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. This is NOT an unreasonable expectation.
"Loving someone for who they are" becomes a tad difficult when you don't know who that someone IS. Who are they? Until you get a grasp on that, trying to love them for who they are is confusing and upsetting. I can personally speak to the guilt involved on that one.
While using your expectations as a weapon to force someone, directly or indirectly, to conform to your desires is abusive, it MIGHT be argued that suddenly changing everything about the way you act in a relationship is DECEITFUL.
Not telling someone that you, say, have gender issues when you know you do...and attempting to convince someone that their perceptions of your gender really fit what you want them to, even if they don't...gee. Forgivable because we aren't always sure of who we are...but confusing and hurtful to others trying to deal with it and help you deal with it, nonetheless.
We ALL do hurtful things to each other when we love. It comes with the territory. It's understandable. It's forgivable.
At least, it is for the people directly involved. You know?
*A-HEM*
You know, I think the concept of a relationship without expectations is a fairy-tale. There's no such thing.
Think about it; every day you are in a relationship, you have expectations of SOME sort. You have expectations that there will be a kind word for you when you come home from school/work. There's expectations that there will be a sympathetic ear for your problems and frustrations.
You have expectations - and assumptions - about the depth of feeling directed toward you.
You have expectations about how long the relationship will last.
And you have expectations regarding a certain amount of continuity in the relationship.
Meaning, that if a person presents themself to you in a certain way and makes you think that they are a certain type of person, you expect them to remain that way. This is not to say that you don't expect change of some sort, because human beings are not static creatures. We all grow and change. No, this is an expectation that the person you are dating will not suddenly and unexpectedly become a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. This is NOT an unreasonable expectation.
"Loving someone for who they are" becomes a tad difficult when you don't know who that someone IS. Who are they? Until you get a grasp on that, trying to love them for who they are is confusing and upsetting. I can personally speak to the guilt involved on that one.
While using your expectations as a weapon to force someone, directly or indirectly, to conform to your desires is abusive, it MIGHT be argued that suddenly changing everything about the way you act in a relationship is DECEITFUL.
Not telling someone that you, say, have gender issues when you know you do...and attempting to convince someone that their perceptions of your gender really fit what you want them to, even if they don't...gee. Forgivable because we aren't always sure of who we are...but confusing and hurtful to others trying to deal with it and help you deal with it, nonetheless.
We ALL do hurtful things to each other when we love. It comes with the territory. It's understandable. It's forgivable.
At least, it is for the people directly involved. You know?
