Whyyyy?

Mar. 19th, 2009 10:33 am
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (make it stop)
*deep breath*

I really wish people would just rent a laptop and book a study room when they need to do a group project on a computer.

I guess that's not really fair - college students can't go throwing money around, even if it's not much to rent a laptop - but how did I end up sitting across from the three loudest girls in the room, working on a project? And the loudest one has a new tongue stud, or braces, or SOMETHING, because she sounds like she has marbles in her mouth.

Also, my wrist hurts. And the keys on the computers in the lab are so old and sticky you practically need to smack each one with a mallet.

Maybe I should go rent a laptop.


Edit: The lab monitor just told them to shut up. HEE.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([DW] Ten & Donna - come on!)
Way back in, oh, November, a [radical? I think] feminist blogger on Wordpress who goes by the moniker Nine Deuce posted a series which she called, "BDSM (the sexual equivalent of being into renaissance faires)."

It's a deeply insulting series of posts. (Both to BDSM practitioners AND people into Renaissance Faires!) She basically condemns all kink with the accusation that it is merely misogyny writ large and in PVC shirts (okay, the PVC clothes ARE kind of stupid), and claims that there is NO way to eroticise power or pain which is not unhealthy and hateful towards women.

[Women, because she focuses almost entirely on M/f relationships - that is, male dominants/tops and female submissives/bottoms. This is pretty typical of "feminist deconstructions" of BDSM, because they will ALL claim that nearly all BDSM is M/f. Relationships which are F/m are generally ignored or dismissed with the notion that the men in these relationships are all taking on some sort of "feminine" role (not necessarily true, and not necessarily bad - OH NOES, a feminine male! but nevermind), and the assertion that F/m relationships are a "mirror image" of patriarchy and therefore don't need to be talked about because they're the same thing anyway. Which is the laziest critical examination ever.]

And, well, when the kinky blogosphere got a hold of it...it was derided, of course. But mostly, people were really annoyed and offended. Argument broke out in the comments between the radical feminists and the kinksters, and it has been going on ever since.

I guess you can probably tell what side I'm on. Mark my words, some of the things the kinky people have said in the comments have made me cringe at how thoughtless they were. Some of those comments, no mistake, definitely hold up some observations about sexism in the BDSM community. (But then, what community ISN'T sexist...?) There's no doubt - and you'll never hear me claim otherwise - that there isn't a lot of stuff called, "BDSM," which is deeply disturbing.

For the most part though, the comments from the radical feminists have been reactionary, extreme and devoid of any nuance. (The best part? Someone who commented to one of the posts in the series to say that she wasn't able to keep reading the comments when (emphasis mine), "the torturers started talking amongst themselves." LOLWHUT.) They have turned down all offers to discuss the matter elsewhere, to look and see the sorts of conversations kinky people have amongst themselves about EXACTLY these issues, etc. They've dug through other people's kink-related blogs to find things they find "nasty" to drag back to show off. It's ugly.

Not too many people are really trying to discuss the issue in a genuinely thoughtful way. Basically, it's just a whole lot of people shouting past each other. "How DISGUSTING. How APPALLING. What about the CHILDREN! You people make me sick! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE NAZIS!!1" (Yes, really. It's in there somewhere. God knows where - after hundreds of comments, you lose track.)

The kinky people haven't exactly kept their cool, either (there's been a lot of, "STFU!" from the kinky side, but then - that tends to be most people's reaction, I'd think, to being told over and over you're sick and dangerous).

It's just a big mess.

So why would I comment there?

I'm not sure why I did. Maybe because I've been yearning lately to be more openly honest about some of the things I've figured out about my own sexuality. Maybe because I've had interactions with some of the kinky people in the comments in the past, and they have always struck me as good, sane, thoughtful people.

Maybe I just wanted to post and say, Look, I'm just human too. I don't feel like some of these people can look at someone kinky and genuinely see their humanity. They just see some people who are brainwashed victims, and some people who are scary and dangerous predators.

They don't see the respect kinky people have expressed for their partners, and they don't see the love.


So I outed myself.


I posted this to Nine Deuce's follow-up post, "A Question for Doms," in which she asked dominants and tops (read: sadists) what the appeal of it is. I wanted to save this here for my own records. What follows may be more than anyone EVER wanted to know about me, so click at your own risk. If you see this post and want to comment on anything ABOVE the cut without reading this, I'm totally not offended.

This may be textually NSFW )

NO. FAIL.

Dec. 10th, 2008 11:50 am
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([DW] Raxacoricophallapatorian PLEASE!)
Holy fuck, the internets are being so stupid lately.


I'm going through another one of those cycles (it always goes in cycles because I bite my tongue for a while, and then give up on doing so - lather, rinse, repeat!) where every. single. goddamn. reply. in my inbox is, WTF I AM NOT RACIST JUST BECAUSE I AM SAYING RACIST BULLCRAP STFU and YOU THINK YOURE SO CLEVER DONT YOU WELL YOURE NOT SO SMART STFU.

I hate you all, you ignorant jackasses.

GO AWAY.


Thank god I have a haircut to get, Christmas shopping to do, and exams to study for. I have excuses to make myself get off the stupid goddamn internet and away from all its stupid goddamn PEOPLE.

Now I just have to deal with the idiots at the mall.

I CAN HAS DESERTED ISLAND IN THE PACIFIC NAO?



P.S. To the newest person to add me (if you're actually watching this, you know who you are): adding only people in Native American-related communities (or so it appears) when you have no entries in your own journal kinda makes you look like a troll. Just sayin'.

If you're not a troll, I'd advise you to expand your interests and maybe post some things in your journal so people can get an idea of what you're like.

Also, I'm actually white.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (aaah!)
SO:

  • Due to being sick all last week, I'm at least a bit behind in most of my classes.

  • Let's face it, my calc class honestly sort of left me in the dust the first WEEK. I might just be better off withdrawing and attempting it again next semester, in a different time slot (e.g. NOT 8 a.m.) and with an instructor who doesn't have an accent I'm unable to understand. Trouble is, that means I'm behind two classes in the program. Since I'm basically a semester ahead with prior credit, that's not TOO bad. Still...

    (I don't know...maybe I should talk to advising about the, "at least one undiagnosed sleep disorder and possibly more, eight a.m. classes will NOT work, even if I AM in a Bachelor's program," thing. Maybe they can help me?)

  • I didn't sleep at ALL last night. The same button that always falls out on my watches fell out on the most recent one again, and the fucking alarm went off every five minutes ALL night for some reason. I tried to fix it - couldn't. Tried to bury the damn thing - could still hear it. ARGH. I feel like I have a hang-over or something.

  • I still have to write my essay for Globalization which I didn't work on at all last week because I was inches from death. So I have, like...a day to do it in. No extensions, because today is the last class. Grr.

    I'm tempted to say, "fuck it," and suck up the 15% loss in my grade. But I've already made those sorts of sacrifices in math (assuming I don't withdraw), and probably BOMBED a 10% quiz in geography two weeks ago, and I'd really prefer not to totally destroy my GPA this semester.

    Plus I REALLY want to do a good job shredding Samuel P. Huntington's "clash of civilizations," theory, oh Mr. "Those Black Folk Askin' For Special Rights Causes Racism."

    (And second-hand opinions don't make you look any smarter, the song I'm currently listening to sez. If only Huntington could hear it right now.)

  • HARPER WON A STRONGER FUCKING MINORITY GOVERNMENT. FUCK YOU, CANADA.

  • I just got my period today.


...

Today.

Make it stop. I want to get off.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (jesus...)
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...I honestly think the fact that someone would even ask this question is sick. I live in a country with a universal health care system: a system which is currently under attack from critics who think we would do better to just make health care a free market (or at least put some services on the market - like expensive surgeries), and I'm TERRIFIED this will happen.

Don't get me wrong, Canada's health care system is in huge crisis right now. But that doesn't scare me anywhere NEAR as much as the proposed alternatives, where only the rich could afford to see a doctor.

And some of the people who are pushing this the hardest are here in the redneck west, Alberta. Alberta is RICH right now, and yet, the government is somehow failing to put enough money back into health care to keep the system from its rapidly speeding demise. The numbers and news stories just get scarier: more than half the family doctors in Calgary have plans to close their practices within the next few years because of the soaring overhead costs, and hospitals (according to one news story I read some months back) are considering lining the hallways with beds because they don't have enough rooms. (For all I know, they might already have started doing so.) The big story in previous months has been the fact that pregnant women were being turned away from hospitals in droves for lack of beds and being told to seek midwives - a service many, many women can't afford.

It's ALREADY a privilege to have a doctor in Calgary; not necessarily because you can't personally afford it, but because the health care system is so pressed for money that the equipment, space, doctors and nurses simply aren't there.

(Disappointingly - and bitterly so - there is also no real effort being made to increase the number of available spaces in most of Canada's programs of medical study. Many Canadian premed students end up in foreign universities, then foreign residencies, and never make it home to practice. On top of all the doctors fleeing the system here, we are losing an untold number of potential FUTURE doctors.)

So the solution is apparently to put it all on the market and let the health practitioners make up the difference by charging people an arm and a leg to get off the months-long waiting lists for any kind of specialty help.

And if you can't afford it, well, you could be on those lists for much, much longer.


But hey, every Albertan got a $400 cheque last year! Not nearly enough to cover many health care costs for ANYONE directly, but at least everybody got the same amount! That's fair, yeah?

It's just not just.



Which reminds me, I finished all those Globalization readings yesterday (finally!), and I read something from a Scientific American article in my coursepack that made me cry:

According to the estimates of the U.N. Millennium Project, all it would take to lift every single person on the African continent who is currently living in extreme poverty (extreme poverty being defined as making less than $1 a day and being unable to afford the basic necessities of life - including basic health care, ahem) out of it is 0.5% of the combined GNP of donor countries.

...

Also, Americans (this being an American publication, there were no numbers for Canadians) generally see foreign aid as, "throwing money away," because they think quite a bit of money is going towards foreign aid, and don't see anything happening.

Yet when polled as to the amount of money they believe is being spent on foreign aid, Americans overestimate the amount by as much as 30 times.

...Just something to mull over.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*headdesk*)
0/1628, OMGWTFBBQ?!?!

SEED YOU VULTURES!

GOD.



...And so this isn't a totally pointless post, I'm currently re-watching Shaolin Soccer on YouTube. It's not a dubbed English version, sadly ("sadly" only because the dubbing is HILARIOUSLY bad, and I'm pretty sure that was done on purpose - and the badly mangled English in both the dub and the sub are cause for hilarity as well), but I'm nevertheless re-discovering how awesome this movie is.

If the concept of, "kung-fu comedy," puts you off, please don't let it. This movie is great. (Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 90% fresh rating!)

Here on YouTube: Shaolin Soccer, Part I. (And the page for the user who uploaded it.) YouTube has been a major pain lately, so you might want to load each next part in a separate window/tab while you watch.

Go watch it!
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (uncertainty - you are here)
Latest hot wank-fest (not exactly ongoing in the original post, since comments are now frozen):

The Open Source Boob Project.

[NOTE: The number of comments to that post are overwhelming, and it may load very slowly if you don't have a fast connection. It's even killing my hi-speed. So if you don't have hi-speed, this OTF_Wank write-up may load faster.]

The top of the post is currently an update after many people raised hell over it, so you need to scroll down to find the original start of the post, which reads: "This should be a better world," a friend of mine said.

Basically: straight white male posts about people touching each other's bodies (although the post focuses on women's breasts) at a con.

Interpreting the OP farther than that is probably going to get me into trouble, because the perspectives here are numerous and varied. If you're curious, I think you'll need to read it. The comments though, would probably take all but the fastest readers (with good connections) - I admit I never got past the first page when I first saw this today.

And it's...well. My thoughts on public domain breasts - let me show you them. )

I'll note that there's some REALLY interesting and thoughtful commentary in the comments and in various reaction posts for anyone who wants to look for them. (To help you out, someone has compiled a partial list of reactions on Journalfen here.)


But then, some of those responses I did not find as interesting or thought-provoking. See, for example, this one:

A Modest Proposal - The Open Source Swift Kick to the Balls Project.

(Again, the last time I checked, there were nine pages of comments. Dial-up users beware - I'm sure you can get the idea from the name alone.)

Apparently almost everyone thinks she wins the internets or something, but frankly, I'm not handing over my little corner.

Why am I always a dissenter, dammit? )
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([work] customers suck)
Guess who ELSE was sick when I went to work yesterday? The Boss's Daughter! So we all got treated to another installment of the B.D. Show. Little princess she is, and totally convinced she's a tough act.

Christ, I can't even be SICK at work. If she hadn't been sick, she would have undoubtedly gotten her period or something else to moan about.

And then when I got home, I got treated to another princess act from my mother: "Jeez, this cold takes a lot out of you, doesn't it? I had to take a three hour nap to recover from shopping!"

I said, "Yeah, I'm so sympathetic." Hello? I'm sick too, and I just had a 14-hour day, running around town and then working a 7-hour shift. Not all of us can live on spousal support.

Oh, and I forgot my meds at home. It was a great Friday.


SAIT has updated it's washrooms, apparently. The newer buildings have always had (in the time I've been going, anyway) those automatic-flush toilets which flush constantly and spray your bare bottom while you're sitting on them. They've also had automatic faucets which only dispense water if you're wearing the right color underwear. But they've always had hand-pump soap.

Apparently The Powers That Be have decided people can't pump their own soap. So now there's an Autosoap dispenser at every sink, which spit soap into your palm when you hold your hand in front of them. Those seem to work fine.

So if all else fails, you can wash your hands with Autosoap and the fresh spray off your butt.


I finally finished watching Voyage of the Damned. Whoo, Doctor Who tonight! So excited.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([work] customers suck)
And while I'm in a pissy mood, I want to add that I don't understand how you work with someone who has a repetitive strain injury FOR A YEAR, ask concerned questions like, "How are your wrists doing?" FOR A YEAR, get worried if you say your wrists are doing badly FOR A YEAR, and then AFTER A YEAR, suddenly come out one day with:

"You know, not to be mean, but I don't really believe there is such a thing as carpal tunnel."

EXCUSE ME? Why, I wonder, have I not heard this before? Is it because the wrist braces have been gone for a while? Is it "safer" now to air that stupidity?

This doubt belongs to Boss's Daughter, and she apparently finds the existence of RSIs doubtful because she worked in the same job at Subway for six years with no trouble, but a coworker of hers there developed symptoms after six months. Even after I pointed out that multiple factors go into the development of RSIs, and that some people are undoubtedly genetically predisposed, she's still repeating the same crap about how she doesn't get why someone could work in the same job for years and not get it, too.


What the hell. This is the SAME GIRL who wants people to believe that she suffers EXCRUCIATING on-and-off back pain - for which she's collected disability pay - from an injury sustained while lifting a five-pound box of cheese slices.

But this is somehow more "real" than injuries I've sustained from YEARS of computer use. Injuries that I have used to predict the weather - which I gave independent reports of to her, and which she confirmed via her back injury. (And no, for the record, I don't disbelieve that she's really got a back injury. But it boggles my mind that she could deny the reality of my injury with a backstory for hers like THAT. Five pounds of cheese, guys.)


What gives some people the bloody nerve?! Really now.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (alone in this)
So I had quite the fun day yesterday.

I got assaulted! Wheeee! )

After THAT, Boss Lady invited me out to a movie with her and her daughter (who also works at the store) after work. (She felt very guilty, I think.) I was very reluctant to agree to go, since I felt like I was going to fall down and fall unconscious (if not necessarily faint) much of the morning, and I figured I'd just want to go home and go to sleep. Or possibly the hospital.

But I got my second wind, and BOY am I glad I went to this movie. We saw Stardust and it was UNBELIEVABLY COOL. If you get a chance to see it, DO SO.

And my boss also bought me a HUUUGE bag of popcorn and a HUUUGE orange pop, which I think was also partially thanks because we had our busiest Sunday EVER that day, and Boss's Daughter and I made $867 worth of food at lunch hour on rail. Yay.

So that was a GREAT end to a day that started off really shitty.

I don't have much of a bruise yet - just a few broken capillaries visible - but Mom warned me that ribs DO bruise nicely, so I should have a technicolor dreamcoat eventually. And holy crap were my ribs ever sore last night. I went to sleep with the heating pad, which I think helped...but it still hurts to cough or sneeze. Not great when you have asthma and allergies.

And the bleeding on my thumb...I was trying to decide if I should try to pop it or what, but it's draining now, so I won't. (Draining where, I wonder? Something to look up!)


Exciting BRUISE UPDATES to follow! I hope it's pretty big and detailed, you guys. That would be awesome.

(Also, an exclamation point randomly appeared in the subject heading as I was typing. I have no idea why, but I figured I'd leave it.)
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (aaah!)
Okay, so another ADHD assessment post here. (For those of you who are sick of this, my apologies. This will be going on for a while, though.)

I didn't update over my third session with Dr. Y, mainly because there wasn't much to say. We spent the entire two-hour session talking about my coming-out story, basically. Ho-hum. Really, I can't say that made much of an impression on me, because I started coming out just before I turned 16, so it's now been about 5 years of water under the bridge. I'm used to Trans 101, and my own coming-out story is pretty old hat, so much of the session was held on autopilot, as far as I'm concerned.

I don't exactly mind that we spent the session doing that, because I did say that I was depressed as a result of coming out, and it makes sense to clarify why I was depressed and how that panned out...given the overlap of symptoms and all. She agrees that my depression was "reactive" (I assume that's a clinical term?), meaning it was caused by the situation, not things going funky in my brain. Alright, good. She also said she's sorry that she can't put more of my personal story in her report, because... I'm not sure, she's thinks I'm noble and brave? I tune out that, "You're sooo brave to be dealing with this!" sh-t these days. I don't want to brush off anyone's admiration, but really...it's not that "brave" to be a trans guy these days, it's just life.

Pretty much the only thing I was interested in from that session was the fact that she's concerned about the ethical and legal position she thinks she might be in regarding how to refer to me, genderwise, in her report... I'll update on that if she says anything more about it. At this point, I think it comes down to "male" or just referring to me vaguely throughout as "the client."

I still feel a little like some time was wasted though, because I'm not sure why we devoted an entire two hours to that. So the last session was a bit of a letdown, considering how the second session was so revealing. Eh, what can you do - sometimes, I'm sure, it's fireworks, and either times it's just same-old.

But I was hoping that when I went for my fourth session Tuesday, it would be interesting. Maybe not as "ding!" as the second one, but more interesting than talking about being trans.

In which the session doesn't go that great, and I get very upset )

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