beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*facepalm*)
Doing some more Calibrated Peer Reviews.

Seriously, I could CRY. On our last round, two out of three essays I marked were terrible. This round (writing a lab report introduction from a provided procedure/materials/results write-up) also seems to be following that pattern - the last one I marked was SO bad I was forced to flunk it. It's the first one I've actually flunked. And the one I'm looking at now isn't much better - if it actually isn't worse.

*skims*'s worse. Jesus. HOW are these people ever going to work in a laboratory if they can't bloody read basic instructions?! E.g. DON'T put the procedure in a lab report introduction! Both have! Neither have a hypothesis! Both re-state the results! Which, obviously, are already IN the "results" section of this hypothetical report.

And neither paper so far has been able to follow APA format - holy fuck, the one I'm looking at now cites one source as, "Adobe Acrobat file." OMFG.

Why can't I just write, "You've got to be fucking kidding me," on these? Because I really, really want to.

...I don't drink, so I can't drink heavily to get through this. Maybe I'll deal by going and looking for some pr0n again. Even if it's bad, it's bound to be better than THIS.

Also, my image host appears to have been abducted by aliens. Like, the site isn't even there anymore. Buh? Possibly they just had a major server crash or something, but if it's not back in a day or so, I guess I'll be re-uploading everything somewhere else.

Does Scrapbook actually work for mood icons? Since I'm paid up for a while, I might as well take advantage of it if it'll work.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (try counting on your fingers)
My biology course this semester is doing this bizarre thing called, "Calibrated Peer Review," or "CPR." (And if THAT isn't a confusing acronym, I don't know what is.) The website describes it thusly:

Calibrated Peer Review (CPR)™ is a Web-based program that enables frequent writing assignments even in large classes with limited instructional resources. In fact, CPR can reduce the time an instructor now spends reading and assessing student writing.

What this means is that, above and beyond the regular classroom work, we're all expected to write three extra writing assignments (around 500-600 words each) and submit them online, "calibrate" ourselves by marking three instructor-written essays of varying levels of technical skill, and then mark and comment on three pieces written by our classmates. If you aren't within a certain amount of allowed deviation when you mark the calibrations, you have to do it again until your calibrations are on par; following that, the marks you assign your fellow students are weighted according to how well you matched the instructor's marking on the calibrations.

I call this system, "a waste of my fucking time - YOU'RE the instructor, YOU mark it," but whatever. I'm not exactly going to sacrifice these grades, either.

I just finished my calibrations and got the results back. I was vaguely surprised to see that my grading and answers to the "guiding marking questions" were in some places off the instructor's by as much as 50%, so I asked to see the full comparative breakdown.

Aaand...apparently, you wouldn't want ME for an English teacher )
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([Calvin] - yikes!)
Ugh. Just finished my comprehensive Geography midterm.

Unweighted, my mark in this course is a bare pass. (I didn't do so hot on the first quiz.) Properly weighted, it's about a 75%. But this last midterm? Is worth 25% of my mark. And I DEFINITELY just bombed it. Had to leave an entire page of short-answer questions blank, for god's sake. I didn't have a clue.

I studied for this stupid thing for FOUR HOURS. I checked the course syllabus online before I began studying, and since it didn't specify the material, I assumed it was for all the chapters we've completed thus far (five in total). So I managed to get through the first three in detail and skimmed the last two, thinking that I was at least guaranteed to pass.

And the test was on the fourth and fifth chapters. Everything I DIDN'T study. Fifty multiple-choice questions and 34 marks worth of short answer, and there were maybe 10 questions that didn't sound like gobbledigook.

So I just found my hard copy of the syllabus, and the midterm material is penned in on it - they forgot to include that information on the syllabus originally, and I wrote it down the first class and forgot all about it.

I'm just...really mad at myself. For the hit my already suffering grade will take, for my stupid oversight, for the wasted time I spent studying material I didn't need to. By the time the final rolls around, I bet I'll have forgotten it.

It stings that between all the classes I've missed due to being ill recently, my weak grades and my general tendency to be late to everything (including, most likely, my own future funeral), I KNOW my instructor thinks I'm a worthless slacker. I made it into class today as he was starting to pass out the bubble sheets (FAR from the last one there, maybe two minutes after the official start of class), and I didn't miss the faintly annoyed expression he made at my mere appearance. People who came in afterward got smiles.

I'm the annoying one. AGAIN.

I'm really, really hating this class.

WHAT made me think that this school year would be any different? All I do is fuck up.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*headdesk*)
I feel like crap today, so I didn't go to school. I'm just desperately trying to catch up on my calc in time for the first quiz tomorrow.

I emailed all my instructors, and one of them has something screwy going on with email. (Well, that, or it's mine.) When I emailed him, the message ended up looking "malformed" from my end. Same thing with the instructor I emailed directly after viewing a message from the first instructor - the email is "malformed," and it looks like my email tried to send my message FROM the first instructor's email. Buh? So weird.

At [ profile] t_eyla's urging, I'm currently giving Mozilla Firefox a trial run as a web browser. (Well, actually she specifically suggested Opera; but whatever, our school comps have Firefox, so might as well try that, anyway.) I dunno, guys. It's fun in a lot of ways, but...yeah, I don't know.

Both squee and bitching about Firefox follows )

So...once I'm done playing with it, I will pretty much have to go and uninstall Firefox again, because we just plain and simply do not have the space for it on our desktop computer.

But when Mom gets back, she's promised that she and I are going to go laptop shopping together at Laptop Depot. Whatever I get, it'll be bound to have way more space than our desktop, so I'll probably put both IE and Firefox on it. Oh, and I'll be able to stop using MP3 players as external drives.

(Actually, my sister has a laptop as well, so we'll then all have laptops that we're using partially as external drives for the home desktop. A sad statement on how obsolete our computer is, that we need 3 laptops on which to keep the stuff it can't hold. Also, the monitor is dying. ALSO, the right mouse button on our mouse died a few days ago, and I had to switch the scroll button to a right-click button.)

Mom's back tomorrow actually, so maybe we can arrange to go shopping sometime next week. Thursday, maybe.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (aaah!)
Nevermind, I'm a dumbass )

Edit: Oh god, the answer was like, *valleygirl* DUUUUH!
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (aaah!)
Another one for the, "the universe hates me," file:

The last school I applied to was Mount Royal College. Not my first choice, but the U of C fell through over a bunch of red tape. Mount Royal was nearly the same deal - they needed change-of-name forms that I'd long since lost all my copies of - but since Mount Royal's deadlines are so much more relaxed than the U of C's, I was able to get them a copy before the deadline for transcripts (which was August 1).

I personally hand-delivered that copy to the Registrar's Office on July 29. At the time, the woman who took the form told me they would now be able to start processing my application. Which I took to mean, "We now have all your documents."

Apparently NOT. Despite the fact that it was only 3 days from the deadline and she had my records open in front of her at the time, the woman I spoke to did not bother to tell me that they hadn't received my SAIT transcripts yet.

So for the past two weeks and some, I've been merrily going along thinking my application was being processed, and waiting to hear yay or nay.

I was starting to get concerned though, and when my sister received HER acceptance letter to their General Studies program (something which, incidentally, I can only WISH I had taken when I was able) on Tuesday, I thought WTF is the delay, it's mid-August!

So I logged on to MyMRC, and it tells me that I'm missing documents.

It just gets worse )

Long story short: never trust the administrative staff at a post-secondary institution to do anything right. And I mean, NEVER. You'd THINK I'd have learned that lesson by now, but no.

I should have logged in to MyMRC a while back and double-checked stuff. I should have contacted SAIT when I didn't get an official receipt by the last week of July. So many things to kick MYSELF for now, too, besides being annoyed that SAIT screwed up so badly.

I really hope there is still room in Mount Royal's BSc program. I will just CRY at this point if I don't get in, and I'm stuck working for another year.

So NOTHING I meant to do yesterday got done, and I passed out in exhaustion when I got home, so nothing got done then, either. I'm still incredibly tired, so I guess I'm going back to bed. I'm so sorry to the people I owe various things; I will work on them when I get home from work tonight.

Ooh, and also? While I'm complaining? The insides of my ears itch SO BAD right now, but if I take a 12-hour allergy pill NOW, it will be wearing off during dinner tonight. Which would be BAD, especially if I end up on rail making the food. So I need to wait a few hours. Which, ARGH. The itching is driving me NUTS.





Jul. 18th, 2008 01:22 pm
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([DW] Raxacoricophallapatorian PLEASE!)
You know what's worse than hold music?

Hold music which is interrupted at regular intervals so a recorded message can tell you that you're still on hold.

beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*headdesk*)
Ganked from my friendslist:

Religious Americans: My faith isn't the only way
Survey shows growing religious tolerance when it comes to different faiths

Generally a thought-provoking article, but for one truly headdesk-worthy line:

Another finding almost defies explanation: 21 percent of self-identified atheists said they believe in God or a universal spirit, with 8 percent "absolutely certain" of it.

THIS JUST IN: 29 percent of Americans har, make that 21 percent of American atheists and ignore my math stupid (thanks [ profile] cacahuate) ARE TOO STUPID TO LIVE.

What part of "atheist" do these folk not understand?!

The prefix "a-" means "NOT" OR "WITHOUT," people!




Jun. 2nd, 2008 07:44 am
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([work] customers suck) of my coworkers apparently was having "woman issues" on Friday, and went home early. Fine, no trouble.

Then she also went home early on Saturday. Called in sick yesterday. AND called in sick today. So I got called in early. AND I HAVEN'T FUCKING SLEPT, YAAAY! I think I only got about two hours sleep yesterday. So I'm going to be ready to fucking DROP by the time I even get to work, and now I'm re-scheduled to work about ten hours. But NO, I'm not bitter.

(I naturally seem to sleep better in the day. I'm really starting to suspect Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome - nothing else seems to fully explain why I've never been able to easily fall asleep until early morning unless I'm physically at the end of my rope, and maybe not even then. Given half a chance, my sleep/wake cycle will immediately and drastically swing around the clock until I'm going to bed around 5-7 a.m., and I'm always more alert and creative at night then I can EVER be in the day. Even in elementary school, my parents couldn't seem to shift me to the 7 p.m./7 a.m. pattern of turning in and rising that they wanted, even though they were iron firm on my bedtime.)

This girl's fucking vagina better be rotting out, or something. I mean, I'm NOT coming in tomorrow - she better get her ass to the fucking hospital and find out what's fucking wrong and fix it already.

Her and her damn brother with his intestinal issues. HE'S the reason I ended up working 12 hours straight back in February. This family needs to get their medical shit together, seriously. I hate the fact that this guy is considered a reliable worker when the fact is that he doesn't bother to take any real care of his diet, and then everyone has to cover his shifts when he's sick the next day.


I want to cry.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (SHUT UP!)
Pet peeve:

People who post links to feature/interest/puff pieces and say, "OMG WHY IS THIS NEWS?!!"




Apr. 4th, 2008 09:46 am
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (chess)
Why does school suck so much?! Why is it so difficult to go to one?

I finally got an electronic request for my high school transcripts sent off to Alberta Ed. What a pain the ass!

In order to request transcripts, I need to register for an "Alberta Secure Login ID" or something like that. (Which didn't save properly or something the first time, so I ended up doing it twice.) As part of that TOS-blah-blah you have to agree to, they have something about keeping your own information up-to-date. Haha, I hope they don't actually expect to hold people to that. Like ANYONE is going to remember to update their "Alberta Secure Login ID" information when you only need that ID to, oh, order transcripts!

And I have to keep entering my legal gender for EVERYTHING! If it's only for "statistical purposes," why is my gender attached to my goddamned name for everything, and why don't I have the option not to enter it? FUCK YOU ALBERTA ED!

And in order to create the aforementioned ID, not only do they require your gender, but they REQUIRE you to enter the answers to six of their own security questions. As in, you don't get to choose the questions you answer. One of the questions is "mother's maiden name" (!). Uh, what if you don't have a mother?

I got a bit creative with some of the stupider questions, e.g.

What is the location of your dream vacation?


Although, as my mother said, it's a bit crispy there these days.

Now, off to SAIT and MRC. Hopefully I can make it to both places and back to Chinook in time for work. Hopefully they'll mail my bloody transcripts in time! Although really, considering that my previous college courses have been for either a) theatre or b) journalism, only my high school transcripts REALLY matter in applying to Biological Sciences.

Maybe I shouldn't complain. At least I don't live in Germany. *eyes friendslist*
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (pretend I'm not here)
...YouTube rick rolled its users for April Fools. All of the "Featured Videos" on the home page link to "Never Gonna Give You Up."

FOR FUCKS SAKE. This date is truly irritating.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (special snowflake)
For any members (present or future) of [ profile] debunkingwhite - [ profile] stoneself has posted a great article on the purpose of the community:

What I Think debunkingwhite Is About.

Sample quote:

debunkingwhite is about debunking white.


  • not about highlighting white anti-racism.
    debunkingwhite is not the place for white people looking for cookies. no one here is going to hand you a cookie for your "good" anti-racist behavior. and again, just because debunkingwhite isn't about rewarding people for anti-racist behavior, doesn't mean the people here don't see your anti-racist behavior.

    if you really need a group for that, i suggest you go create cookies4antiracistwhites.


Related thought: some of the things people say in [ profile] debunkingwhite, ostensibly to demonstrate their willingness to engage the ideas and the discussion, are so goddamned obnoxious!

I mean really, INTENSELY butt-licking obnoxious. SCREAMING for praise and pats on the head. For example:

*shuts up and goes back to learning*

...Okay?! Do you want your Good White Person sash badge now? Jesus. WTF.

And I keep mentally debating. Should I say something when I see this nonsense? Am I sure it's always as obsequious as it sounds, or am I making excuses for people if I think perhaps in an effort to sound like they were listening, they worded it badly?

Would it actually help things along to say something, or is that just an inevitable stage that every white anti-racist moves through? Is there a way to point it out without having someone who is tentatively becoming more involved in the discussion decide the community is "mean" and "jumps on everything" and withdraw?


(And oh my GOD, I've had this stupid headache for HOURS now, and it won't GO AWAY. *snarls*)
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (EPIC FAIL!)
Okay. Found the solution to the hair mystery JUST tonight. Been freaking out for days, and only a few hours after posting about it to lj, discover what a damn moron I am. Figures!

I went and asked my sister this evening if she'd noticed her hair getting lighter in places, thinking - if it's something environmental, maybe my sister's been exposed, too.

She said no, and why was I asking? I explained, pointing out that I avoid the sun, and I don't think it could be anything I'm putting in my hair.

She said, "Maybe it's something you're putting on your face?"

On my face...?

Oh yes, I put enough stuff on my face. I work in a grease pit, after all: all day, five to six days a week, and frequently these days in the greasiest position - rail. Now, left alone, my (adult) skin is rarely very acne-prone, but combine bad skin genes (no, seriously, really awful genes) with an environment this harsh, and you have a recipe for some really stubborn acne. So yeah, I've reverted to high school and its ubiquitous smell of salicylic acid.

The brand I'm using now, though, is NOT what I used in high school. Still, I thought nothing of swabbing it on without reading either the directions or the medicinal ingredients. I know how this stuff works, right?

(Which kills me now, because I ALWAYS read that stuff. And the one time I don't...)

When I realized that the reddish/blonde areas are all around my hairline, or directly on my face (eyebrow!), I went straight to the bathroom and pulled out the bottles to check the ingredients. And guess what I found listed?

1.5% Hydrogen peroxide

Fucking HYDROGEN PEROXIDE! I've actually been putting bleach DIRECTLY IN MY HAIR!

...Fuck. I cannot BELIEVE it took me this long to figure it out. It's just that I've never used a brand that had hydrogen peroxide as an ingredient before, and I would never have thought of it. *facepalm* Well, I saw my doc today and she gave me some prescription acne medication, so maybe I'll just set that OTC stuff aside.

On the plus side (*hair toss*), my pritty hair will be back to normal! ...Um. ...As soon as it grows out.

And HEY, at five bucks or so for what's probably several months worth of blonde I ever have a CHEAP home hair highlighting kit!
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." ([DW] woobie tiem)



What a day.

Kill me now. Please? )

I seriously want to curl up and die. Or cry. Or something.

THANK GOD I don't start until 2pm tomorrow.
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*facepalm*)
For years now - since about the age of 13 or so, in fact - I've been amazed at the level of ignorance and cluelessness some female-bodied people in our society express when it comes to said female bodies. Really amazed. Because most of this ignorance is sexual, and therefore directly related to the sex of their bodies:

How do you masturbate? What's a clitoris? Do I have one? Where is it? What's an orgasm?


I have asked myself and others where this level of HUHWHAT? comes from. Don't these people read books? Magazines? Do they read at ALL? Do they have any curiosity? How is it possible to even reach the age of 15 and not know these things...let alone 17, 18, 19, 24....?

At this moment, however, many of these people are probably one-up on me.

There is a good chance, you see, that most of them actually know their correct BRA SIZE. Or are closer to knowing said bra size than I am.

It's a bit difficult to pretend superiority when you've just discovered that for a few years now at least, you've been underestimating your bra measurements by AT LEAST two cup sizes. That for years now you've somehow convinced yourself that your 30C bra was pulling apart at the seams despite the most minimal usage because it is TOO BIG, and not because it is TOO SMALL.

And that right there folks, IS NOT MADE OF WIN AND RAINBOWS.

At least now I know why it's been hurting so much more to bind in recent years. And why my binders fall apart much faster.


beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (aaah!)
So guess who just lost one of the screws holding his glasses together?


So I get to call in tomorrow and tell my boss that I'll be in late because I can't fucking SEE, and need to go get my ancient frames a new screw. Which is hopefully possible. (And sometime soon, new glasses! Because this is the third or so time I've lost that screw - although I found it before, obviously, but I've had less luck this time - and this is just getting ridiculous.)

Not that I might not have called in anyway, because my allergies are kicking my ass so badly that my right eye keeps trying to swell shut. Ow.

At least Livejournal lets me increase the font size of almost everything except the sidebar links; although the viewing scheme which was supposed to be entirely sight-impaired accessible - XColibur - is no longer officially available.

(Nice, eh? Good work, designer monkeys! Hard-code the text size of the navigation functions! Morons.)

I also turned on the Magnifier from XP's Accessibility folder. I normally only use Magnifier to view stuff that's been scanned in too small, though, so I'm having issues getting used to it.

It's not as easy to use when you actually NEED it for some reason, and can't see well enough to easily double-check what you're doing.


However, watching my own gigantic line of type appear across the top of the screen is actually pretty cool, like I'm watching a futuristic movie of my own life where the director closes in dramatically on the lines of code our hacker hero types.

I think I'll try writing smut like this, just for the amusement value of watching dirty words an inch high scribble rapidly across the screen.

Yes, in fact, I am twelve.

So...I was going to get a lot of catching up on lj posts done today, but I might not get all caught up on stuff, as this goes a bit slower than usual. (Apologies, of course, for any errors.)

Hello to everybody on my friends list, anyway! *waves*

Who here hasn't read any Octavia Butler? Because you should. Just sayin'. *goes back to holding Bloodchild two inches from his nose while he waits for a page to load*
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (*facepalm*)
I swear some people in my journalism program are missing HALF THEIR BRAINS.

(I have about a million things to post...but I'm teed off again, so I'm posting about this instead!)

Our half of the Print Media program (Group A) had their first production day today. I have a story, a photo and an editorial going into next week's issue, so I'm fairly happy with my contribution this time around. I was also on "cleanup crew," which meant that I was one of a couple of people who stayed after class was over to fix up details on all the pages of the paper and make sure the whole thing looks top-notch.

It was fun, no denying it. I like it a hell of a lot better than going to any of my classes.

But why are people in my program such fuckwits? )

Apparently, some of my classmates are pissed off at a guy in our program, B. Apparently, B's been saying that Group B has much better writers than our group, and our editorials suck, and so on and so forth. Kind of amusing, since the guy's never in class and doesn't listen to us read our work. Evidently, one of our editors came back with, "You think that, but you haven't heard DAN and DAVE'S stuff!" I feel so loved.

Also, I am FINALLY on Ritalin. It's a really low dose so far. In theory, I'm only supposed to be on 5mgs a day for the next few, but I upped it unceremoniously to 15mgs today since I could barely tell it was in my system. No side effects, no major benefit, nothing. I know that's "bad" - oh well, people have been started by their doctors on less cautious doses, and if it ain't doing anything at all at 5mg, why not up it?

Not sure if I've got any benefits going on - maybe? Slightly? I'm not tired at all, and I probably should be after 3 hours of sleep, so that's a sign it's THERE anyway. But still no side effects. Going to go try to do homework in a bit, we'll see.

It wouldn't really surprise me if I needed a higher dose - I'm a bit immune to drugs. My biggest concern is just that nothing will work.

Okay. Gonna check my list, and then see if I have any magical focusing powers. Ritalin a go-go!
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (aaah!)
Okay, so another ADHD assessment post here. (For those of you who are sick of this, my apologies. This will be going on for a while, though.)

I didn't update over my third session with Dr. Y, mainly because there wasn't much to say. We spent the entire two-hour session talking about my coming-out story, basically. Ho-hum. Really, I can't say that made much of an impression on me, because I started coming out just before I turned 16, so it's now been about 5 years of water under the bridge. I'm used to Trans 101, and my own coming-out story is pretty old hat, so much of the session was held on autopilot, as far as I'm concerned.

I don't exactly mind that we spent the session doing that, because I did say that I was depressed as a result of coming out, and it makes sense to clarify why I was depressed and how that panned out...given the overlap of symptoms and all. She agrees that my depression was "reactive" (I assume that's a clinical term?), meaning it was caused by the situation, not things going funky in my brain. Alright, good. She also said she's sorry that she can't put more of my personal story in her report, because... I'm not sure, she's thinks I'm noble and brave? I tune out that, "You're sooo brave to be dealing with this!" sh-t these days. I don't want to brush off anyone's admiration, but's not that "brave" to be a trans guy these days, it's just life.

Pretty much the only thing I was interested in from that session was the fact that she's concerned about the ethical and legal position she thinks she might be in regarding how to refer to me, genderwise, in her report... I'll update on that if she says anything more about it. At this point, I think it comes down to "male" or just referring to me vaguely throughout as "the client."

I still feel a little like some time was wasted though, because I'm not sure why we devoted an entire two hours to that. So the last session was a bit of a letdown, considering how the second session was so revealing. Eh, what can you do - sometimes, I'm sure, it's fireworks, and either times it's just same-old.

But I was hoping that when I went for my fourth session Tuesday, it would be interesting. Maybe not as "ding!" as the second one, but more interesting than talking about being trans.

In which the session doesn't go that great, and I get very upset )
beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)
Studying for my English diploma, the writing part.

I've just read Ernest Hemingway's "The Snows of Kilimanjaro" and been researching it so I can understand all the themes, symbolism, etc. if I want to use it for tomorrow's exam.

It's a slog. I have to take numerous breaks. I mean, when you get into "Hemingway vs. Camus vs. Fitzgerald in existentialism vs absurdism"...well, I dunno about you people, but it's making my eyes cross.

Ah, the joys of high-school English.


beandelphiki: Animated icon of the TARDIS from the British television show, "Doctor Who." (Default)

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